Monday, February 25, 2013


I thought it would be cute to do a play on dpo (days post ovulation) with my dpP (days post Peter).  Okay... maybe it's only funny to me...

Yesterday, after church and breakfast, the kids and I dropped Peter at the local train station, and he began his journey to Amsterdam.  He's traveling in both the Netherlands and Belgium this week and will be home by dinner time on Friday.  We've been preparing the kids for his absence, but honestly, there's no preparing my heart.  Being away from him (even when I've done races or had my surgery at UC) is tough; 15 years hasn't changed a moment of that.   I still love the way it feels to hear him breathing next to me at night or the way our hands fit effortlessly together.  (And, I love the way he handles bath and bedtime because those aren't my strong suits... I mean, just being honest!).

I've not looked forward to this trip, namely because I'm in my 19th week of pregnancy (18w4d today) and the fear of going into labor is high, even though I know that the TAC is the best thing for me and I've been assured labor isn't going to happen for quite some time.  But the nerves... The thoughts... They are still there.  I'm staying pretty zen about the pregnancy but in the back of my mind- and what could be worse than Peter not being here for Michael's birth, especially if our little boy wouldn't survive.  But, things on that front are good, so I'm not contemplating those thoughts.

The kids were actually really good about the whole thing yesterday.  Sarah came and they LOVED that; after dinner and finishing their movie choice, we did the bath and bedtime routine and I was feeling pretty good about myself.  8:40 and everyone was in bed!  Woo Hoo!

And then, Bobby didn't go to bed.  By 9:20, I was in with him, trying to help placate him to sleep but he wanted Daddy and, honestly, when either of them wants either of us, the other just doesnt fit the bill.  I eventually had to go pee (a constant issue these days) and he freaked; it started as a whine that became a cry that became a scream.  Long night short, I didnt get out of their room until 10:40.  I finally fell asleep around 11:15, only to wake up twice to pee and to be up solid at 4am- when Bobby joined me and decided to not sleep again until 6:30am.  Dear God, I know I'm not Daddy but come on!  How could he not be tired????  By 7, I stole a shower in peace and the kids were up and ready to go by 7:40.  Day 1 complete...  Day 2 already in progress.

It was a normal Monday: playgroup in the morning, then lunch.  And then naptime, which I have down to a 5-10 minute science that lasted 30 freaking minutes.  They are asleep now, but it took 30 minutes to make nap happen!  That is crazy!  It never takes that long.  Now my big fear is that they will decide today will be a 1 hour day; and, truly, I will cry.  I am so tired I don't know what to do with myself.  I normally sleep about 10 hours a day right now (this pregnancy is the most tired one I think... I'm always tired and dozing off); Having less than 5 hours of sleep yesterday... I barely know my name.  I am praying for a good nap and then, fingers crossed, a good night tonight.

My MIL is recovering from her double knee surgery and we took the kids on Saturday to visit with her, before Peter left.  Not doing that again!   They loved seeing her but seeing her when she wasnt herself was tough for them.  Maya became reserved and Bobby cried and cried for her when she had to go to therapy :(  It was heartbreaking.  She should be home within 7-10 days and then, once she's up for visiting, they will be over the moon to be with her again.  It will be a while before she's up to playing with them, but I know they'll feel better seeing her at home.

My FIL is coming for dinner tonight.  The kids are super excited!  They've been talking about it all day  Bobby isn't having speech tonight, so it will pretty much be a fun Grandpa and Aunt Sarah filled evening.  Maybe I'll try to steal a run while Aunt Sarah is here, if the weather is decent, to decompress... we shall see...

I have to miss my Bible study tomorrow morning.  I need to stay close to home in case the school calls; Bobby's teacher is out sick and, just in case he doesnt adapt to the sub or if his aide cant make it, I need to be way more local than my study (which is 20 minutes away).  I'm sad about it but at least my house will get somewhat clean.  Making lemonade out of the lemons!

I tried to download Skype and the Google version so that I could videochat with Peter but alas... the security he put on my computer wont allow the downloads.  Bummer...  At this point, we havent even done a regular chat.  I'm assuming he crashed.  His flight left NJ at 5:20pm and he landed at like 1:20am our time (7:20am local time) and went straight to work.  He probably got to his hotel tonight (his time) and passed out... It's no wonder he didnt respond to my email asking if he was up for a chat after I put the kids to nap.  I'm sad, but I'm glad he's safe.

This post is disjointed.... Sorry, it's the sleep depravation. Day 2 without Peter is still hard on my heart, but the kids are doing well.  Whenever they ask, I say that Daddy is working and will be home on Friday.  I am so grateful that they are handling it without too much issue.  Hopefully, after last night's snafoo with Bobby, tonight will be better and he'll be able to go to sleep, they will both get a good night's sleep, and then have a good day at school tomorrow.

Dear Sweet Lord... I just heard kids up from nap.  It's been an hour and ten minutes.  It's time to cry. WAAA!!!!!!!!

1 comment:

sunflowerchilde said...

I'm so sorry! We just got back from Europe on Thursday, today's the first day the kids both slept all night and woke up at a decent hour. I've been a zombie for the last 4 days, so I can totally sympathize. My husband traveled a lot during the last two years, it does take some getting used to, doesn't it? You're strong, you'll get through, and it will feel great when Peter finally gets home. Sometimes it's times like these that help show me how strong and capable I am. Although the last 5 days, running on 3-6 hours of sleep per night, have been a nightmare. Still, you can also think of it as baby training - it's probably not bad to have a preview of what life will look like in a few months!