Thursday, September 1, 2011

Back to Basics

Whenever I turn on the TV or leaf through a magazine, the phrase "Back to Basics" keeps jumping out at me. It's no surprise, since (up here) 'back to school' is upon us and everyone is talking about getting the basic pieces of a new school wardrobe, or the basic school supplies you need, blah blah blah.  Then, there are the politicians and teachers talking about a return to the basics of education: reading, writing, arithmatic, etc.  But, for me, "back to basics" has a different meaning.

I took the summer off from paying close attention to my food.  I stopped journaling, first because my laptop died back in May, and then because I decided to voluntarily unplug from the summer.  I thought it would be neat to see how I did if I wasnt weighing portions, making daily exercise a commitment, or paying attention to calories.  Overall, I'm really proud of myself.  My weight has been in the 10 pound window I unofficially set for myself (165-175), and my clothes fit well, which is a nice indicator of how I think I'm doing.  I'm squarely settled into size 8 pants (I still cant believe that... In fact I'm wearing the only pair of size 6s I own and, although I think this brand is GENEROUS with their sizing, it's quite the mental boost!) and size small or medium tops/dresses.  My boobs are still pretty happy in their 38D bras, although I'm considering getting remeasured since I'm having some gapping.  My running shorts (smalls) are actually loose (thanks to Sarah and Peter for pointing that out at a 5K we all did together) so I'm planning on treating myself before the Half (in 3 weeks!!!).  But, back to basics...  For me, that means getting back to paying attention.

And not just for the weight loss.  I would still like to see if 150 is feasible for me.  And I understand it may not be.  I was a teenage kid the last time I weighed that.  My body has gone through a lot and maybe 160 is the best weight for me.  And, if that's the case, then so be it, and I'm okay with that.  But, I'd like to try.  I've given myself a goal of New Year's Day 2012 for the 150, and I figure, we'll see.  It comes or it doesnt; no big deal.   But, the bigger deal for me, is that I still have those overeating tendencies and the emotional eating demons right under the surface.  They rear their ugly heads at different times, and I've seen it.  Eating when I'm not hungry because it's there and is good, or running to the kitchen because my feelings have been hurt or I'm angry.  These are things that I still struggle to keep under control. 

I know that addictions arent as easily broken as we'd all like to imagine.  I have friends who have sworn off drugs and/or booze, and every day is still a challenge.  They win the war and (for the most parts) the battles they fight, but it's not easy.  They are clean and sober, but the reasons they werent are demons they show down (usually) every day.  In our society, we treat overeating like it's different and in some cases it may be, but for others for whom that eating was truly a coping mechanism and an illness, it's a fight.  I'm okay knowing that some days, it will get the better of me.  But I have to own it and control it and the summer was good for showing me where I've succeeded and where I still need work.

So, it's back to basics.  For the kids walking to the local school next week and, today, for me.  I dont know if I will be as severe as I was in the beginning, with calorie counts for everything, but I'll still have my weekly weigh in, my weekly "here's where I am" post, and daily logs.  Feel free to follow along with me as I pick up part two of Less of Me...Is More!

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