Day 49: T-3

Here we are... another end of a decade of days in the hospital. Day 49... 8w3d to go... 59 days to go. Wow. Tomorrow I'll be in the 50s for the count up and the count down! What will happen when those numbers reverse and suddenly I've been here longer than I have to go?

I am getting to the point where I am believing I will be here for those 59 days. That these babies will be full term. Almost like I have to ask myself "Is it possible that I could have full term, healthy babies?" For so long, I've felt "no". That no matter what, they'd be born early. But now, there is a little voice that whispers "you can do it..." Perhaps it is all your voices, joining together across the miles and sending support.

I was monitored for 2 hours today. Maya averaged in the 140s but went down into the 130s and up into the high 150s. She was showing her reactivity very well! Bobby was mostly in the 70s and would move into a normal range for a few seconds and then back down. Only one period of a longer session of higher heartbeats this time. He dipped into the 60s a few times. This is why I was on so long. They wanted to keep watching him. I think he was rolling and either hit his cord or the monitor was wrong (because the sound didnt change from the high 70s down to those mid-high 60s) and that was giving momentary lapses. It only happened a couple of times, maybe three times?, for a few seconds (less than 4 or 5). (Honestly, I think the nurses would leave me on the monitor 24/7 if they could and will use whatever reasons they can to keep me on it). So, around noon, the Resident came in and did the BPP with the CRNP. He scored 8/8. So, once again, he's doing perfectly fine and it is we, on the outside, that are more worried than he is. As much as I dont like hearing the arrhythmia and listening to the slower, ventricular rate is nerve wracking, I know he is fine. He looks great on ultrasound every single time we see him, which is every day. And Bobby is not a shy mover. He is always active. If I didnt have that (from either he or Maya), I would probably be a nutcase, but at this point, this is his M.O. and I am trying not to stress about it and just hope and pray he grows out of it sooner rather than later.

My blood sugar is pretty much in control for the late night-late afternoon but, no matter what, my post dinner sugars are always high. This, apparently, is the opposite of most folks, who have their roughest time after breakfast. So, they are slowly upping my insulin in the evenings to combat this. Hopefully, this will do it! Right now, I'm at:

8 units of slow acting (pre-breakfast)

10 units of fast acting (pre-breakfast)

17 units of fast acting (pre-lunch)

25 units of fast acting (pre-dinner)

22 units of slow acting (bedtime)

(82 units total)

Dr B estimated that I would be around 100 by the time this is all said and done, so we will see. My morning fastings have been 100 for the last few days and they are still trying to get it under 90, so I figure that my slow acting bedtime dose will be raised a bit (tonight they are checking me at 2am to make sure that I'm not bottoming out in the middle of the night; I'm not sure if they are upping me tonight or waiting to do it tomorrow after seeing my middle of the night sugars). I'm still holding out hope that we get this squared away by Friday. I'd love to be completely fine by 28w on.

I find that I am struggling with not only passing my own milestones but also the milestones of other orphaned parents out there, especially twin moms. Have other parents (of multiples or singles) felt this way?

My dinner is done and it is time to lay down again. I cherish eating sitting up and dont want to take "too long" and undo my hardwork on bedrest. :)