Thanks to all those who commented on my last post, which has been deleted. I just needed to get my feelings out and vent, but that post isn't something that I would want to be stumbled upon by the people involved. As angry as I am, one of those people is very close to me, and I wouldn't want to hurt them in that way. As it is, I'm trying to find some sort of peace with the situation. It's hard, but I'm trying.
This morning, the kids woke up early and we went to daily Mass at our parish. The intention was for the father of a dear friend, and I'm so glad we were able to go. Peter fed the kids an early 1st breakfast while I showered, and then we changed the kids and I headed to church while he went to work. Peter's mom attends every day and takes part in morning prayers and would be there to assist with an extra pair of hands, which made it doable. At this point, I'll attempt a lot of things... But attending Mass alone with 2 toddlers is not one of them!
I've been promising the kids that if they keep their shoes on for carrides, then they can walk (while holding a hand of course) to the location we are going. We let them walk to the car in the garage and, funny enough, this "bribery" of sorts has been working. Shoes stay on (a feat for Bobby who LOVES to take his shoes off) and then we walk. I take Bobby out first and then, as I'm unhooking Maya's seat, he stands on the edge of the car, in between her carseat and my body. Before I take her out, I put him on the ground, with my body blocking him between me and the car. She is out, I put her down and take her hand, and then take his, somehow get the door closed (my food or butt probably assists with this on any given day), try to sling my diaper bag around my shoulder, and off we go. It's crazy for me, to be at this stage where we are walking together, hand in hand. We walked into the church and down the hall to the chapel, where Peter's mom met us, and had an enjoyable Mass. After Communion, we did stand outside the chapel, since Adoration begins after Mass and the kids were starting to want to get down (which means saying "down!"). Maya was intrigued by the Extraordinary Minister retired the Blessed Sacrament to the Tabernacle, so we had to follow behind him so that she could watch the ciborium get placed inside and the doors closed. We're teaching them to bow and I dont think she's too far off from getting that herself!
Afterwards, I invited my in-laws to breakfast at a local diner. The kids were starting to get tired (since they had woken way earlier than usual) but needed a second meal and I was afraid they'd fall asleep on the way home. Although the local diner in town is only 6 blocks from our house, I hoped I could keep them awake. We arrived and the kids ate their 2nd breakfast (they'll have 2 breakfasts today instead of 2 lunches) while we ate ours. At the end, you knew they were getting tired, but they were still well behaved. They were awake when we got home, and we spent an hour playing and watching Super Why! (I'd recorded it since we'd miss it). And, then, as 11am rolled around, they took their nap.
It often surprises people that I still like to rock the babies to sleep and snuggle with them prior to naptime, but even more, they are shocked that I do it one-on-one, by myself! So, I thought I'd pass on what makes it work for us. I give Maya some quick snuggles and then put her in her room, locking her gate (otherwise, she will either want to climb all over the living room furniture unsupervised or she will run to Bobby's room, where he and I are and getting him to sleep will be a nightmare). She has her toys and usually will either sit in her bed and play or, like she did today, take clothes out of her dresser and play dress up until I come back. She does this quietly, so I'm fine with it, and I dont mind picking up the simple mess when they get up. I go to Bobby's room and turn on his white noise maker, then hold him in a cradle carry. He has one arm around me and holds his lovey bear with his upper hand. I walk him and bounce him, singing "Oh Bobby Boy" (Oh Danny Boy, but with his or Maya's name instead of 'Danny'). If he's really tired, it's one round; on harder days, it's 3; and on the days where he is tired but bound and determined to make me laugh and play with him, it's 4. Today, it was one. He closes his eyes, sometimes tells me he loves me, sometimes gets a close snuggle, but ultimately falls asleep. I lay him in his bed, cover him, kiss his forehead, and go, leaving his gate unlocked. When I get to Maya's room, I pick her up, same position as Bobby, and give her her lovey bear. Half a verse of Oh Maya Girl (and this is her choice), then I lay her in her bed, give her her sleep sheep, which she cuddles in her free arm as she rolls over, cover her with a baby blanket from the NICU (I dont know why this is her favorite- I dont even know where we got it!), and then her comforter. She lays on her belly and I stroke her hair or back until the song is finished, then I kiss her forehead, tell her "I love you, have a good night-night" and leave (while she's still awake), keeping her gate unlocked.
As nutty as it sounds, this is the way it has to be, for Maya especially. If I forget to tell her to have a good night-night, she will get out of bed and come into the living room, where she wants me to pick her up, take her back to bed, and repeat the final part of the nap ritual, getting it "right" at the end.
How long does getting them both to nap take? 10 minutes. 8 on a good day. 15 on a rough one (although it feels like 15 hours on those days!). They sleep for 1.5 to 2 hours on a normal day (which is usually noon-2ish); today, I'm hoping for 11-1, then lunch, then their eye appointment in the afternoon.
The eye appointment... Each year, they have a check-up with the ophthalmologist. We absolutely loved the doctor who visited them in the NICU, but... We didnt care for his office staff. And the practice was SUPER busy, which meant long waits... Did I mention it's 45 minutes (in good traffic) away? Yeah, so there isnt a good time to go because early mornings (since it's going towards Philly) mean traffic, late mornings/early afternoons ruin nap time, and late afternoons mean more traffic. So, we made the decision to try out a doctor in town. We visited the practice for our own eye exams (just the routine thing every 2 years) and they have a pediatric ophthalmologist on staff, so we decided to change docs... As with going back to my midwife after Dr. B., it was bittersweet to say goodbye. In my letter asking that they forward records, I expressed our satisfaction with Dr. N., but stated that, simply, the commute was not feasible with our lifestyle. It's true, but was still sad. I'm hoping we like Dr. C., the new doctor, as much. (We'll still keep Dr. G., for Maya's yearly retinologist appointments; he actually keeps some office hours at the local hospital's medical office building.)
I'm going to be an aunt again. My brother and his girlfriend are pregnant; their first son is 2 weeks younger than Bobby and Maya. She's do at the end of August. I found out on Facebook. I know it would be hard regardless, but the fact that I would have been due around Peter's birthday (based on the 1st day of that period, it would have been the day after his b-day, EDD:Aug 13), makes this news stick in my throat.
I have an appointment with the personal trainer tonight. I'm nervous, but also pretty darn proud of how I've stuck to his recommendations. I'm at 177 lbs (as of this morning) and I've been doing the routine three times a week, as he suggested. It's still hard, which I take as a good sign, but I'm able to do it. I'm not sure if tonight we will go over it and he will tweak any issues, or if I go over one set and then we do something else? I have no idea... Based on how it goes, I'll schedule my next session with him. I paid for 4 hours; I've seen him for 1 hour already and tonight is booked as an hour long session. Depending on what we do, I'll see him in 2-4 weeks for either a half hour or full hour session. At least, that is my plan...
I'm having a brain freeze on what to have for dinner tonight... I really want to get down and cook! Since Peter will be home in the afternoon (he's coming with us to the eye doctor), it's an opportunity to try out a new recipe. Which means, of course, I have no clue what to do! I'd better stop blogging and start reading!