Halloween Pics and updates

Thanks for the warm thoughts for yesterday. We had a nice dinner at our favorite Italian restaurant.

I posted all the last week's pictures but wanted to add some of their Halloween shots here. Here they are in their Halloween onesies. (Bobby's says "Baby's 1st Halloween", Maya's says "I love my mummy")

We dressed them in adorable outfits that we received at our shower. They are slightly big on them, but they were so cute (and since I wanted their onesies to show, they worked GREAT!)

Bobby has now outgrown all of his preemie sleepers and most of his preemie onesies. Maya has outgrown some of her onesies and sleepers, but can fit in a few. Today, I'm bringing in "newborn" clothes for Bobby. I actually have a full bag of clothes to donate to the NICU (they need sleepers and hats for itty bitty babies like crazy!) I cant believe it... He is at 5lb 1.8oz and Maya is 4lb 13.4oz. Their feeding percentages dropped a bit but they are still doing well. Bobby choked twice last night and went into bradycardia. But he worked really well at helping bring himself back and I was able to tell that it was going to happen. He coughed and, even though he was sitting up, I moved him into a burping position and started patting and rubbing his back. He was gagging and trying to breathe and he actually kept his respiratory rate in a good range. His HB dropped into the 60s (better than the 40s and 50s the last time) and, although he was fairly limp, his color wasnt blue (although it was a slight ashen color). Not to be outdone, after tiring herself out with her bottle, Maya had an apnea spell for 21 seconds. She does this after she's finished eating and is resting on her tummy (which used to be how she LOVED to sleep after eating). I think we'll have to start putting her in a cradle hold after eating.

My breast milk production is increasing! The herbs and tea (and yes, Mom, the extra rest) are helping a lot. I also used the SNS again and, although the twins showed zero transfer, Maya was able to, for the first time, get my entire nipple in her mouth! She didnt know what to do with it, but she got it in! Bobby also managed this feat and he got in some good sucks that actually drew the milk through the SNS tubes! (Peter and I had to prime it the first 2 times for both because they just couldnt suck hard enough.) It's going to be a hard road, I think, but they are growing and learning and, hopefully, I'll be able to make it easier on them by having a better let down. I'm pumping like a fiend (yesterday was 15 times) and I'm hoping that as my milk increases, everything else will too. This morning, because the babies would be out of milk, Peter drove down before work to drop off milk. I am now barely keeping up because, as my milk increases, the doctors increase their feeds. The amounts are based on their weights, but it is hard when I feel like I am working so hard to make their amount, I do and feel great, and then, in the next second, get hit with the news that their amount is now higher than what it was (and higher than what I produced). I am trying to stomach the idea that they may soon get one bottle of formula a day at the hospital if I dont increase at a more rapid pace. It makes my stomach hurt to think about it. I told Peter last night that I may tell then nurses to make sure the formula is done in the wee morning hours when I am not there and to hide the bottles afterwards so I dont see them. I know that may sound dumb, but breastfeeding is the last thing I'm holding onto and, right now, I am not ready to let that go. Peter keeps telling me that the most important part was that they got milk in the most critical time of development and the nurses tell me that I am truly a moocow for a single baby and that they are surprised I kept up with twins for this long, but to me, this feels like another loss. I'm just not ready to take that yet, so I'll keep taking herbs, pumping like crazy, work with using the SNS, and trying to get more rest, with the hopes that they will continue to make the difference.

Hopefully this week I can catch up on all your blogs and news! I feel horrible about being incognito for a week. Rest assured I do care and I cant wait to read (and comment) on all your news! (Also, a shoutout to OHW: I think that I may have deleted your email. It went to my spam folder because of the subject line and I didnt notice the email until I'd already hit 'delete spam'. Would you resend it? I can hit the post office later this week.)