Please forgive my crappy blogging schedule. I've had quite a few visitors which makes writing during the day impossible and, once Peter gets here, the computer is the farthest thing from my mind. And, I want to have news to share, other than my paranoia. So... Let me back up to Monday.
By far, Monday was my worst day. I spent the entire day convinced that my water had broken and that the twins were going to be born that day. The day started off poorly with Peter leaving for work extra early for a meeting. I cried like a baby. I just couldnt help it. And I know it just made it harder for him, which I feel really bad about. It isnt like he wants to leave; he has to go. He called me from the parking garage, and I was still sobbing as he talked to me the entire drive. I hadnt slept well the night before and then, with being so afraid, I just didnt want him to go.
I have had a watery discharge since my cerclage was placed in May. It's one of the side effects, as your body identifies the stitch as a foreign body and increases secretions to try and keep infection away. This is why Peter initially brought me the pH strips, to try and quell my concern about PROM. Since I have been in the hospital, it has increased, most likely a combo of the previous reason plus, on Thurs, I was dilated 1cm passed the stitch. Monday, I am acutely aware of the discharge; then, as I am rolling over to call the nurse for the bedpan, I have a discharge of liquid. (Now, mind you, it wasnt a lot... Not even enough to dampen the spot on the towel that was close to it, which I use to help with sweating). But I'm freaked. I pee and dont mention it to the nurse (since a side effect of PROM would be a removal of my cerclage and I wanted to pH test it first- yes, if it were a 7, I would have called the nurse for a formal check; I'm not crazy.) So, I check myself once she's gone. 5. Too low for amniotic fluid. So I wait for a bit and test again. 4.5. Still a nutcase, I call Peter, convinced the pH strips are lying. He calmly explains that they dont lie and that he uses ones just like them at work. If they are coming back acidic then that is what they are. All freaking day I tested. My discharge was more than what it was at home and I had all but convinced myself it was PROM and I just couldnt get the pH strips to register. (I know... Maybe I am nuts... Rational brain wasnt really working on Monday.)
I decided to take a nap, which was a bad idea. I had a nightmare that I went into labor that couldnt be stopped and the twins died. It was a "say goodbye now" type dream. I woke up in a cold sweat and panic. The rest of the afternoon passed slowly and, by the time Dr B arrived for evening rounds, I was ready to cry again. I told him about the discharge and the pH, and he said that it was most likely that I urinated when rolling over and that the discharge was the same as what I previously discussed, a combo of sweat and vaginal fluids. But the only way to know was to see via u/s and, since he was going to order a vag u/s to check my cervix, he'd ask them to do an ab one also to check fluid levels. So, he put in an order for perinatal testing to do an u/s on Tues. He also told the nurse to have him called so that he could come and see it live rather than view images later. In addition, he said that my bed could be moved out of Trendelenberg and put into a normal position, since the benefits of inversion would be present already.
I felt better after his visit. He basically told me to relax and that I'd probably know if my water had broke. That it would have saturated my towel and bed and that I would be constantly leaking, not just discharging. When Peter got here, I had a good cry, then fell asleep in his lap. I slept through most the night, waking at 2:30am, when the babies started playing. I just laid awake and felt them... The most beautiful feeling in the world.
Tuesday was a better day. I felt better with the outlook. I was still afraid but Dr B had reassured me that what I was feeling was quasi normal. I still cried when Peter went to work but only briefly. It was more my fear than anything else. Peter's mom came around 10am and we had a very nice visit. She would have been a wonderful nurse, and I feel really grateful to have her so close. She would be here every day I think if I said it was okay. She's sweet. At 2:30, they came for my u/s. I actually got to get out of bed to get into the wheelchair and they took me down the hall to a small room that is used for the in-patients. The same tech was there and he made conversation as we waited for Dr B and the MFM, who would be reading the u/s. I think the tech could see that I was nervous and was trying to be reassuring and comforting. He was nice. The doctors arrived and the show began.
To recap from Thurs, I remained at 2cm dilated above the stitch and 1cm dilated below the stitch, which is how the sliver of sac slipped through with pressure. This scan began with an ab scan, which showed two beautiful babies in full sacs. My water has not broke, nor did the few days of Indocin do anything. Then we moved on to the vag scan. My cervix is closed! There was about 1.2cm of closed cervix below the stitch! Above the stitch, I am still funneled to 2cm and hindwaters were present in the funneled area, but that is normal. Bobby's head was right on top of my cervix and the doctor noted that they are both big enough to prevent a slip through, like we had with Alexander. Dr B was very happy with the scan and, you guessed it, I cried (although not a lot!). He went back to the patients waiting in his office and was going to talk with us in the evening, but was called away to, I assume, a labor. When Peter got back, we just cuddled and, relieved, fell sound asleep.
Dr B dropped by this morning and said he was very happy with the stitch. That my cervix looks a lot like it did 2w ago. He still wants me in bed. No sitting to eat. Bedpan only. BUT he said that I can take a short shower, in a shower chair, every other day! This is a baby step but to me, it is a big step. He doesnt feel that those 1om will do much when I am in bed the other 47h50m. Next step, I assume, would be sitting to eat but for nothing else. But, right now, I dont need any of the priviledges. I'm just happy the babies are settling in.
I am feeling much, much better today. Relieved. The next 17 days look so much more possible. I am still having an irritable uterus and occasional hard contractions (for example, I had 4 in 2 hours). But, right now, they are not cervical changing and aren't painful, so we have opted to deal with them rather than medicate them. Drugs now might mean more drugs in the future. I am monitored twice a day and Dr B said that, depending on how things look, he may prescribe something, but as for this very second, I am drug free and IV free (came out on Monday). The babies are happy campers. Very active. :)
I have received numerous emails asking for my address to send letters. Thanks to Carrie and her daughter for making me a countdown calendar. Thanks to Sarah for coming up with more "bedrest crafts". Thanks to the numerous cards we've received and phone calls that have been made, just to cheer us up. You all are really wonderful. Many of you I have never met in real life, yet you are such an integral part of our lives. Thank you.
Most of all, thank you for the prayers. God hears them and is answering. And, for that, we are most grateful.
So, here we are... 17 more days til our line in the sand. And today, I feel like even November isnt that far away...