Homily

An Oblate from De Sales University preached the 9:30 Mass today. The following is a quote from his homily. "In his wisdom, your heavenly Father has foreseen from eternity the cross that He now presents to you as a gift from His inmost heart. This cross that He now gives you He has considered with His all-knowing mind, constructed with His gentle hands, weighed with His divine justice, and tested with His own loving arms - to be certain that it would not be one inch too large or one ounce too heavy for you. Then, having fashioned this unique cross with you in mind, He took one last glance at you and your courage before sending it to you - a special gift, blessed and anointed by your heavenly Father." -St. Francis de Sales.

This quote really struck a chord in us. We are both struggling to find our way at times (okay, most times) and this really hit home. Peter likened it to a sermon he heard years ago, where the pastor at our college spoke along the lines of Christ on the cross, looking down at you personally and asking if you carry this bit of the load, as he handed you your proverbial cross. Would you say yes? Seeing all that suffering? All the weight of the world? Would you carry your cross a little while so that he didn't have to?

I try to look at it in that frame of reference. That the grief is the cross that we've been asked to bear. Asking to not have it would mean, possibly, never having had our precious babies. Neither of us would give them back, so the grief comes. The perfect world would have us with all our babies in our arms, playing, laughing... I still ask God why that wasn't meant to be. I don't know why. And, as much as I try, taking that answer on faith... It's so damn hard...

In the midst of one of our most sorrowful times, my husband, my dear sweet poet of a husband, had these words... Perhaps our children were meant to stay in heaven all along, but begging God to be born, He told them to choose wisely because their time on earth would be brief, that they were saints in heaven with so much work to do. And, taking this to heart, they searched the world wide over and found us and chose us to be their parents, knowing that the love they shared with us on earth for their brief time with us, would be enough to last through eternity and that we would hold them in our hearts forever.

That is what I will dream about today, I think...