Tuesday, February 10, 2009

If yesterday was an earthquake, then today's a tsunami

We are triggering today. In fact, I have to leave and go home to get my Ovidrel shot in an hour or so. I can't even believe it.

I drove up to Dr. Lee's this morning and had bloodwork done, then she ultrasounded. Our little follicle has grown from 14 yesterday morning to 17.2. I usually trigger around 18, so this is right on target. She wanted to wait for the bloodwork, but her guess was that we would trigger later tonight for a Thursday morning IUI. I spoke to Peter on the phone and he was clearing out his Thursday morning in anticipation of the drive and procedure. At noon, they called: tomorrow. My LH has started to surge and Dr. Lee wants me to trigger this afternoon around 2pm for a 10:30am appointment. We'll arrive at 8:30am for Peter's preliminary work, go get breakfast, and then come back for the IUI. Even as I write this, I can't believe it. Tomorrow... We saw her yesterday and we are triggering tomorrow. My body finally did something almost... dare I say it... normal.

I know that the chances of success aren't 100%. Especially with triggering today for tomorrow. I'll have about 20 hours inbetween the trigger and the IUI. Usually, I'm double that time. While we'll "do our part" at home, so to speak, I'm still nervous. The worst part is that I'm an early investor. I'm already invested in a pregnancy that may or may not happen tomorrow. I've already thought of the baby's due date (Nov. 5), our first ultrasound (March 12th or so), our first appt. back with Dr. B. (mid-late March), when the cerclage would go in (late April), when it would come out (early October), when showers would be scheduled (early fall), when I'd have to tell my boss (March)... Even knowing that things aren't guaranteed, I can't stop myself from the daydreams that started yesterday... The hopes... The dreams... The possibilities... And, when the part of my brain that reminds me of how fragile all of this is, how thin of a thread this all hangs on, I try to stop myself from the daydreaming and then feel guilty because it feels like I am trying to not invest in the pregnancy and the baby. And I have to invest from the start or I'd die if something did happen to a tentative pregnancy.

My nerves are on such ends right now. I am still blown away that we are triggering today. I can't believe it.

Prayers would be much appreciated. Both for a successful conception and for my sanity.


Bluebird said...

Good luck sweetie, and lots of prayers! And good for you for dreaming - you deserve it :)

Anonymous said...

Lots and lots of good thoughts with you this week.
I am totally crossing all fingers.
It's just time for things to go right for you.

Cara said...

You got it! Prayers and much love coming your way for both.


Mommy (You can call me OM) said...

Hello Michele,

I am so lost on this subject. Can you educate me on IUI?

Regardless, I pray that God brings you a baby you can hold, nurse, and raise in this world. Peace.

Kerry said...

Wow. I happened upon your blog, and after seeing the precious pictures of your little ones, I went over to your picture blog to read their stories. I am simply in awe of what you have gone through as a family. I will most definitely be following your story now. Best wishes for this next chapter.

A n T said...

Wow, how quick all of this happened. Prayers being sent up for you and your family! I know the feeling of planning ahead with all the dates....I know them too. Now I just wish that I can make it to the dates.....and the same for you.

Angelwingsbaby said...

You will be in my thoughts and prayers......Megan