I can't even believe that an entire year has gone by since our precious Nicholas and Sophia first entered our lives. A year ago today, Peter and I drove to Dr. Lee's office for our IUI procedure, and, instantaniously, our lives were changed forever. We knew from the very start, in that office, that we were pregnant with twins and that both eggs had fertilized. There was no way any test could confirm that, but we just knew. Two weeks later, a pregnancy test confirmed pregnancy, but couldn't confirm twins. We waited a month to see our two precious babies on the ultrasound. What a beautiful sight... to see their two little sacks with beating hearts. In spite of all that has happened, I wouldn't trade their lives and the moments we shared with them for anything in the world. If the pain is all that I had left, I'd still take it over the nothingness that was there before them.
But the anniversary is hard. I think I've known getting to this point would be rough, but I didn't know how rough it would be. I remember sitting on the couch last Halloween, getting up to give candy at the knocks on the door, and thinking "I'll be trick or treating next year with twins! They'll go as 2 peas in a pod..." No joke, I'd already picked out the costume. And now... I'll be sitting on the couch, talking to Zoë, hugging Peter, mourning Nicholas and Sophia, and handing out candy... again...
But, there are positives this time around as well. I adore our Bradley instructor, who last week said the most amazing words, words that have become my mantra this week. "There is no reason why this pregnancy can't be perfectly normal". And she's right. I think the fact that I didn't find open arms waiting at the variety of prenatal classes really made me think, wow, I must be really, REALLY high risk if no one wants me in their class, instead of, hey, maybe this is the Universe telling me to find the right teacher, who has more than just a simple prenatal certification. So, I've found a teacher and I hope to meet with her this week. I'm really trying to hold onto Lisa's words when I feel especially down and scared. So far, every ultrasound and every test result has been positive. There is no reason to believe that could change. We are doing everything we can. I'm taking progesterone now and I'll take the P17 shots, starting in 3 weeks. Not to mention, I'm being so carefully watched. Whatever we can do, we are doing. That does bring some comfort.
And, on a cute note, Peter's mom has finished the lining of the coat for the Christening gown! It is beautiful! Peter and I were admiring her handiwork. She is an amazing seamstress. She has cut and pinned the embroidery for the coat and Peter is going to iron it on (it's a group project!), then I will embroidery it... Hopefully! She's going to show me the correct stitches. I'm really excited. It's such a beautiful pattern. I can't wait to see what it looks like when it is complete. And the bamboo is a gorgeous fabric... So soft. Even the lining is soft, and it is just a cotton! It's gorgeous. I'll also have to take pics of the sweaters she's made. They are adorable as well.
My God, so sad. I'm so sorry.
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