I have things to say, just no words with which to say them. But I am here...
I'm busier than usual. With the doula and CBE classes, that's got my nights after the kids go to bed pretty much taken care of. Bobby and Maya are getting more verbal, so my days are filled with trying to do a little bit more with them. And, as the weather warms, will hopefully entail us getting outside more! But, that's not an excuse... I've been busy and have still written... That's not it.
Last night, I was caught off guard by the death of a 4 month old baby girl. I was doing one of my CBE assignments and, as I finished, went ahead and started the next assignment: death. I had read ahead in my doula workbook and knew that the subject was covered a bit later, but, for some reason, hadnt noticed that it came at the front of the CBE coursework. I stopped working and decided to blog... and saw the entry... and decided to go to bed. But a peaceful sleep doesnt come after that. And checking on your kids throughout the night doesnt guarantee that, as soon as you've left the room, confident that they are okay, that things will continue to be okay. But, that's not it either...
We had a lovely blog meet-up over the weekend with Genevieve and Lauren. It was a nice time; a time to just let it all hang out with folks who get it. I wanted to tell you all about it... How Lauren made a delicious cake and how Genevieve had me in stitches. How, if you are anywhere close to the PA/NJ border (that's you guys in NYC too!) that you should totally plan on attending our quarterly gettogethers. But, I just couldnt write anything... But, that's not it either.
How I manage to log my food every day and am still dropping weight... How I had a meltdown at Kohl's when I went shopping to replace my wardrobe (and dont worry... there will be a post about that... eventually) But, really, I just didnt have anything to say.
How I'm so super excited about my new venture, even though I am afraid. How I attended the funeral of a baby on Saturday and wanted to just bawl my eyes out in the car. How I cant figure out anything witty to say on Facebook because I really just want to ask people WTF on a regular basis. How I had an appt with Dr B today for my annual, but, after driving 45 minutes there and being met with a standing-room-only waiting room and having a half hour show of "misbehaving, screaming twins", I decided it wasnt worth it and left. How I'm Just.So.Tired.
But, like I said... I just dont have the words to formulate a post worth your time.
But, rest assured, I'm still here. I'm still reading your blogs and commenting when I can. And, soon, I'm sure I'll be back to the same old verbose person you're used to. But, right now, I'm feeling a little tender and just dont know what to say.