Sunday, January 17, 2010

You're Awesome!

THANK YOU to everyone who emailed me with comments about cholesterol. You guys are so sweet! Several folks asked me about my PCOS and the predisposition to both high sugars and high cholesterol. Yes, PCOS does contribute to both. Thankfully, I've been really lucky with having lower sugars. I have only had one blood test come back in 2 years with slightly elevated fasting blood sugar (and it was only a few points over normal). My others are all well within range. When pregnant, I did have GD and high sugars, but that was expected with the PCOS-twins-bedrest combo. As soon as I delivered, my blood sugar was back to normal. So, I've been really lucky on that front. I've had a couple of tests come back with higher cholesterol (even when I was strictly vegetarian), so the PCOS has played a role in that. Since I'm 18 weeks post delivery, I am assuming that my numbers are (fairly) accurate (even though PCOS does play a role, they arent considered "false highs" since I can still have cholesterol related issues). I am sooo hoping the gym helps to lower it into normal ranges. I dont know how much my diet can be changed (well... I do drink almost a pot of coffee (decaf) a day with real half and half... I'm sure that much dairy is NOT helping me... I'm cutting down to making only 4 cups and drinking that during the day instead of drinking 12 cups over a day... I've worked down to 8 cups, so half way there!)

Thank you to the advice on adding flax seed, oatmeal, and a variety of other things. I will most certainly look into them! I'm having a retest in 8-10 weeks, and I'll let you know how I'm doing!

As to the funky anonymous comments in recent days. I've noticed these around other blogs too. Not sure where the nastiness is coming from these days... I take them with a grain of salt. There are plenty of wonderful Anonymous folks out there, so I'd never disable that feature. I choose to publish all my comments because it's a free country and we're all entitled to our opinions (including thinking I'm a whackjob or whatever). I'm a member of a variety of forums and have never seen my name mentioned, but even if it is, oh well. We all grieve in different ways. Some folks choose to not hang pictures or talk about their children who have passed; and it works for them. We choose to integrate our dead children into our lives as much as we can, in pictures and in words, and that works for us. I loved the one comment that explained that, if our children were alive, we wouldnt forget them in order to love Bobby and Maya, so of course we dont forget our children who have passed just because we love Bobby and Maya so much.

I feel grateful to be a member of such a connected community. I read blog after blog, some about life TTC, some about pregnancy after TTC or pregnancy after loss, some about mourning parents, and some about life with children living and dead. Even if I am not in the same position as the writer, I always feel so lucky to be able to both share their journey as well as have them share mine. I learn something or gain something or (hopefully) give something to other parents who grieve and rejoice.

I remember my grandmother telling me that, in her day, women who had losses didnt share them. They were told to ignore them and try again and just forget. And, because of that, there werent people to "help" others as they entered "the club". Can you imagine? I cant. And I dont have to. I try to write as honestly as I can, whether that includes sorrow or joy, because I remember being an anonymous reader, reading blogs and trying to find a way to go on because the unthinkable had happened and I had lost a child. I dont know what I wouldnt have done had I not found the understanding and support.

So, as much as I hate reading nasty comments, perhaps they have found our blogs in pain and cant express themselves. Or perhaps they know someone and cant help and are taking out their frustration on us.

Or maybe they are just mean.

I dont know. And does it matter? Really? We write for ourselves, to help our grief, to go forward without moving on, to express ourselves and, if we are really lucky, to help others and to connect with others who understand. So, while I appreciate the offers to kick ass on my behalf (and I appreciate you all jumping to my defense, I really do), let's take a page from my grandma's playbook and just pray for them. We dont know where they are in life or why they are trolling our blogs and writing things we'd rather not see. (Maybe they are like the little kid on the playground that used to chase you and try to hit you because he like you... Who knows...)

Okay, stepping off the soap box. I've got to finish up breakfast dishes and get ready for the gym! Yes, I'm going to the gym! :) Starting the week off right with yoga. :) (oh, and that laundry wont wash itself, so I'd better see to that too...)


Ms. J said...

I almost went ballistic when I read that Anonymous comment! I am all over the blog world and don't know WTF she is talking about?! A little proof woulda been nice, but regardless it was HIGHLY INAPPROPRIATE! Your blog exists for YOU, and tough sh*t if it others don't approve or it doesn't meet their BS expectations.

I believe "anonymous" is the same person who has beeb giving a handful of Bloggers trouble lately. Maybe consider not permitting "anonymous" comments? I don't but it doesn't mean somebody who posts has a real blog or an open one. I occasionally "delete" comments that are out of line - I am not going to give vile people a venue to be sh*theads via my blog, thank you very much ;o)

Wuv you, sweetie!n

Debby@Just Breathe said...

Your awesome too! Great post and I will say a prayer.

Debbi said...

At almost 52 years old I too am from a time where things were different.
When my little boy died after 8 hours , 33 years ago I never got to hold him or see him after he died. He was 29 weeks gestation.
The pain..tho it gets better NEVER goes away.

I always mention my firstborn. I always think of him. Does it hurt the way it use to? No...but I will never be "over it" It changed me as a person. I like to think for the better.

Its a very very sad club you all are in . But I think its wonderful that you have each other

I found you and so many of the others while doing a search in Ohio for someone to touch up a couple pics that I have of my son.
From his funeral I couldnt go to :( They wouldnt let me out of the hospital His little face was black from being born face first. When googling that I came upon Hollys blog, and from there read so many others.

How I wish I had you all when going thru this on my own. So dont let a few bad comments by people who dont know what its like to judge you on the way you remember your lost little ones. Believe me when I say you will never get over it.
I went on to have 3 living children
Many hugs to all the baby loss mamas out there.

K said...

I read a book a long time ago called "The Four Agreements" and one part of the book really resonated with me, the author said: It's never personal. The things people say are less about you and more about them and say more about them than they do about you. This has helped me a lot. I'm glad to see you have a positive outlook on the situation. the internet is a beautiful place to connect and share and learn sometimes behind a veil of anonymity but it also on the flipside is a place that anonymous people can hurt and maim with their words. I guess you have to take the good with the bad.

Catherine W said...

I hope that your cholesterol level goes down soon. I'm all the time you are putting in at the gym will help, you are so dedicated!

I'm sorry about Anonymous. Funny how these comments are always left by Anonymous people isn't it? You are very brave to publish all your comments and, you are right, we do all grieve in different ways.

Your blog was one of the first that I found after I lost G, back when I was an anonymous reader. I felt as though I was drowning and then I found your words and read about Nicholas & Sophia and Alexander and your other sweet babies. I cried over their beautiful photographs and read and read and read. I'm so grateful for your honesty and for writing this blog. I can never really express just how thankful I am.

Anonymous, maybe you are in pain yourself? Maybe you are just mean? Who knows what your motivation is. But because Michele has asked me to I'll say a prayer for you. And as my mama used to say, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." x

neaneah said...

your killing me with how well your doing making it to the gym and you have newborns how am I going to keep my excuse of not having enough time going!!!! I need to get myself in gear I gained 20 pounds... ohhhh

Barbara said...

You are wonderful.


Sunny said...

I'm glad you are getting good suggestions on the cholesterol, it sounds like you are taking the right steps and feeling positive about getting it down. Good luck and keep us posted!

I also admire the calm with which you are handling the ignorant "anonymous." It's easy to hide behind a computer and sling hate, I'm glad you aren't feeling a victim to it.

Reba said...

i hope that the anonymous posters are in no kind of similar pain themselves. while i wish they would leave my friends alone, i would never wish this heartache on anyone. i don't really pray but i will express this hope to whoever/whatever is out there. ( that a prayer!? ;)

Terri Jones said...

It's funny how people are willing to spout all kinds of negativity when hiding behind anonimity. You can never please every one and shouldn't try. You write honestly, from your perspective on your personal experiences. Giving a voice to people who have grieved silently for years. Telling them it is okay to feel. It's okay to love your baby angels.
Infertility, miscarriages and pre-term labor happen a lot. And it seems that women should be more sympathetic to those going through this. My heart goes out to all who have lost children- no matter how long the child was here. We should all be more supportive of each other.
Keep up the good work going to the gym. Definately give the oatmeal a whirl. Love it w/ blueberries.

Heather said...

I can't believe that comment - what is with these people? As you say, we all grieve differently, but that doesn't make any of us the judge of someone else who isn't grieving in the same way.