The funeral Mass today was beautiful. It was at St Clement Pope R.C. Church in the Jamaica section of Queens. They had gorgeous wood cuttings of the Blessed Mother holding a toddler Jesus by the hands, as well as cuttings of different saints. Just beautiful. Bobby had a few minor freak outs because of the joys of teething prior to the service, so we walked around and looked at the stained glass and the wood cuttings. Afterwards, we went out to lunch and celebrated the life of our friend's father. We're at the hotel now (in Queens) and tomorrow morning, we'll leave for Long Island for our cousin's funeral. They put a pack-n-play in our room but we brought our SnuggleNests (which rock!). We're going to start them off in the P-N-P with the nests (they have a cushion that is more comfy than the bottom of the P-N-P. If that doesnt work, then the SnuggleNests are meant to be put in bed with parents, they can safely co-bed with us if the need arises. (And, to be honest, I've co-bedded with them sans the nests and agree with Dr. Sears, that mothers especially are ultra aware of where their babies are when co-bedding. But, I digress... I LOVE THE SNUGGLENESTS!!!)
Thank you for the warm thoughts and emails about my post last night. I appreciate you all so much. I could feel the love when I logged in. I think a lot of my recent heart pains are a result of the many milestones that Bobby and Maya are hitting and passing with flying colors. It's only normal to think of what the other babies would be doing, at this age, or at their age now had they lived. And it brings heartache as well as joy for Bobby and Maya. The whole parenting-after-loss is a new chapter on pregnancy-after-loss, and it is a never ending work in progress. I know the hard days are to be expected. I think that helps, actually. Knowing that they are going to happen. Knowing they are going to pass. Knowing my heart will stay broken but that I have the tiny hands of our perfect saints and the growing hands of Bobby and Maya to hold it together.