Monday, June 22, 2009

Post-Father's Day Update

Saturday was 16w... The day that I longed for and dreaded... The day that Robert and Maya became older than Nicholas in the womb. Friday night came and went. Saturday morning, I was terrified that my water would break when I went for my 3am and 6am pee's. But no, no preterm labor. No water breaking. No contractions. Peter gave me my P17 injection at 11:30am. He's a great caregiver. After rubbing a (dripping) ice cube over my bottom, he did the same technique with Alexander for a no pain stick (which, given the number of "bad" stick experiences I've heard about with the injections, is a feat). He does the ice, then an alcohol wipe, squeezes the stick point (nice and in the middle of a cheek... take that for an image!), and then does the injection after rubbing the syringe to get the liquid as thin as possible (it needs to be kept at room temp but a nurse suggested, after pulling the 1ml, to rub the syringe between your hands to drop some of the viscosity, which adds to pain). It's a slow injection because of the thickness, which makes you want to ask, "are we done yet?" but it was soon over and he helped me into the shower to let the hot water beat down on my bum. With Alexander, this was the end of the pain. Walking from the bedroom to shower, I'd had pain in my leg, but after the shower, not so much. A little sore, almost like I'd gone for a run without some good stretching.

Not. This. Time. So, I have no pain walking to the shower (a much shorter walk than from our real bedroom to the bathroom, since the living room and bathroom are practically next to each other). I get in the shower and the water feels great. I hang out and let the water just pour down my backside and then do my real shower. No problem. Peter helps me out of the shower and the pain begins. Before I can even get to the bed, the sciatica in my left side (the side where we injected- I have sciatica in both sides, so it's luck of the draw) hits so badly that I can barely walk. Peter has to support my weight to the bed and get me laying down with my body pillow between my legs. And the rubbing begins. He rubbed my butt until I fell asleep, which was nice. I slept for several hours until, you guessed it, I had to pee. And I couldnt walk. Now, because of the sciatica, Peter walks me to the bathroom often anyway (I never said marriage was glamorous...) When he isnt home, we have furniture for the entire journey so that I can hobble and support myself, but he prefers to help when he's home because he's afraid I will fall. So, I would say for most of the afternoon, I alternated between sciatica in my left
side so badly that I cried or slept. He must have rubbed my butt a half a dozen times. But finally, by yesterday, it was mostly back to normal, with the sciatica still there but as it has been for the last 10-12w. I was actually surprised by the literal pain in the ass this time. Because I had no real pain after Alexander's shot, I expected this to be the same. But, all in all, my injection is by far, one of the best experiences I've heard. So, no complaints.

Yesterday was Father's Day. I was so tired that I ended up taking several naps, two of which were with Peter. (the best kind!) We went to the 7:30 Mass with his parents and the dads got blessed. One of the sweetest things was that, during the intercessions, that we prayed for the father's who had lost a child. This was special not only for Nicholas, Sophia, and Alexander, but also for our newest son's namesake, his Uncle Robert, who died at 7 years old. I was so glad that these special dads (of whom their are several in our parish that I know of and countless more, I'm sure, that I dont) were remembered in addition to the prayer for all dads. Afterwards, when we got home, we took a nap. (I was so tired and Peter will never give up an opportunity to nap). We had brunch reservations with his parents and my dad at 11am, so we made those. During which, I had such intense hot flashes that I had to sit quietly for most of the event. But the food was yummy. When we got home, you guessed it, a nap. I ended up sleeping for most of the day, waking for the bathroom and to eat. I was just so tired. Peter napped with me and then mowed the grass. Even though it was Father's Day, since we've been buried in rain, he decided to take advantage of the sunny afternoon and do the yard. What a trooper. Then he made dinner. Not exactly the way you want dad to put his feet up, but he just shrugged it off and said he'd have other father's days where he wouldnt be mowing grass or cooking.

Last Father's Day was bittersweet for two reasons. It was the first after Nicholas and Sophia had been born... We were also anticipating our second miscarriage since our blood tests had been poor. I remember Peter saying to me, softly, "I hope he is with us for Father's Day" and all day long, I had prayed that I wouldnt start miscarrying. We were fortunate to hold onto our little one until the week after Father's Day. This year, pregnant again, with another son born, was once again bittersweet. Praying for our children not with us... Praying that these precious babies will spend a lot more time in the womb...

We've been in the week of Alexander's labor and birth gestationally. Yesterday, was that last OB appointment, Nov. 17th, where my cervix was a great measurement of 4. Tomorrow will be the day that my labor began and I dilated to 2cm. I have a feeling that the next few days will be the hardest as we remember those days in the hospital... The dilating... Alex's legs and partial bag slipping through the cervix... His water breaking, which forced him back into the womb... The placenta previa... The 3:45am delivery of our little breech baby, with his perfect legs coming out first, kicking like the soccer star he was in the womb, those little hands reaching around his daddy's hand, his shoulders moving back and forth and his head turning as though he was taking in the world around him... Just as last week was hard, this week is hard too...

In addition, we are remembering our first of those two special weeks home with Sophia, those early days where the grief at losing Nick was so tight in our chests and our hope that Sophie would stay just one more hour... one more day... was the only rational thought. Thank you for abiding with us during this time. Your prayers mean so much, as do your remembering with us.

May I add another remembrance for today? Today, my brother-in-law would be 29 years old. As some of you may know, Robert was diagnosed with neuroblastoma when he was 4 years old. He went into remission for a few years before being the cancer returning when he was 6 years old. On November 1, 1987, a little over 4 months after his summer solstice birthday, he passed away. We remember him every day, but will especially remember him today with his favorite meal and a birthday cake. My in-laws are coming over around 6:30pm.

And, while not a remembrance... Cross your fingers for my girlfriend, Meg, who is being induced today, as she is a week over her confirmed due date. Lucy is her third pregnancy and her first child to have a healthy full term pregnancy; she lost her first two to very early miscarriages. As you can imagine, she has anticipated this moment and didnt expect to have to be induced. She was due to go in this morning and I am waiting for that special phone call or email. Cross your fingers and say a special prayer that 41w old Lucy is born safely. She has been measuring larger than normal and they opted for no genetic testing, so we are praying that her size is just because she's from strong Irish stock and nothing more.


Gabby said...

wow- 16 weeks.. it has gone by fast! i am so glad that you have healthy babies in there.. but so sad for your pain right now.. prayers and praise for your babies and your sweet husband to take care of you..

Catherine W said...

I can't imagine how hard it is. I know that if I am ever lucky enough to fall pregnant again I will be dreading another preterm labor. I know how empty those reassurances that it won't happen again must sound. They will sound empty to me too.

Remembering your beautiful babies, Nicholas, Sophia, Alexander. Remembering your brother-in-law Robert. Hope his little name sake and his twin sister continue to stay safe.

Although my girls were preterm, they were very big for their gestation. And their daddy is good Irish stock! Thinking of your friend Meg and her little Lucy.

Can I also be nosy?! I absolutely love the first track of your blog playlist, Stones. I was trying to track it down on iTunes for ages when I finally realised today that I was typing in your surname. Is it you singing? So beautiful and haunting.

Mommy (You can call me OM) said...


I know it isn't funny - the hobbling. But, it kind of is in a cute sort of way. Have you considered getting a walker? Seriously. I heard of somebody getting one while pregnant.

I'll be praying for all you mentioned, especially Lucy and your babies. I'm certain Robert and your Nicholas, Sophia, and Alexander watch over them.


Busted Tube said...

Sending hugs & best wishes in this difficult week...

Tammy On the Go said...

You are great! I am glad you are keeping us informed.