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Woo Hoo! The developmental specialists from the county just visited to assess the babies!!! Since they were due on Dec 5th, they are technically viewed as 17 days old (even though they are 14+ weeks old biologically). A developmental specialist, speech therapist, and case worker came at 9am for their first assessment. If the babies were on par at 2 weeks, then they would want to see them ever 2 weeks; if they were underdeveloped, then weekly, if over developed monthly. Well... They want to see them in...

3 MONTHS!!!

Bobby was assessed at 2+ months and Maya at 1-2+ months (she was sleeping, so some of the items they marked as 1 month and others at 2 months). Because they werent prepared for them to be so high speed, they didnt bring any developmentals for them to play with to see if they were at a 3 month level. Bobby was also hungry, so he was a little frustrated at times, but all in all, they both (when she was awake) behaved well for being with strangers.

I am just so relieved. Having preemies born 3 months early, the idea of developmental and learning delays is just something you are told to prepare for. While these early intervention assessments are, in no way, fool proof or trying to placate parents into believing life will be trouble free, they are static tools that can give you an idea of where your baby falls on the grid. Knowing that they are on par with babies that are near their birth age is a relief and gives me hope that they will have full and productive lives, in spite of their earlier-than-anticipated start.

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Last night, I had a good cry. It hit me that Alexander would be over a year old now and that Nicholas & Sophia would be preparing for their 2nd (outside of the womb) Christmas. Instead, they have ornaments on a tree and stockings on a wall, but there are no gifts addressed to them... no cute outfits for them to wear... no figuring out how to organize five toddlers/infants at church... It just cut through me. Even though I know they will have a special, heavenly Christmas, it hurts that it isnt one I can physically share with them.

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Our church has a nativity (as I'm sure many Catholic and even non-Catholic, Christian churches have). I'd like to get a family picture. I'll be bringing their box with me, because I cant imagine a "family" picture not including a physical representation of them.

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We signed our Christmas cards "the Haytko family". It is the only signature that fully captures our entire family. Why does it hurt so damn much to see our names written out on cards we receive? I know that people dont send cards addressed to dead children, but it still hurts to read "to Peter, Michele, Bobby, and Maya". This isnt to say that I think people should write "to Peter, Michele, Nicholas, Sophia, Alexander, Bobby, and Maya". It just hurts to read and know their names are missing. I know it is part of the world around us living on... Maybe that just makes it hurt more.

Peter told me that, after Robert died, he used to still sign both their names to cards. His name he signed in ink; Robert's name he signed with the cap on the pen. If you looked closely, you'd see the hint of his name... Always there; even if not visible. It's sort of how I feel signing "the Haytko family". There... Just quietly.

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I'll be uploading video on the picture site today. I havent posted video in a while...