Day 14: T-10

There are children screaming in the hallway. I'm not exactly sure why. To my knowledge, there are no 4 year olds giving birth... :) On the flip side, today I have heard labors begin and babies cry. I hear newborns cry often (after all, this is L&D) but I cant help but think, "God, I really want to hear that... Please...". Not that I want my babies to be miserable and unhappy, but that precious sound of lungs getting in air and working full force. I want that.

This is a big day. This is my last double digit before the first goal! 10 more days! I have been here 2w and we now have 9 days and 7.5 hours left to 24w!!! (Who's counting though...) Wow... Tomorrow we will really be in the single digits. It feels like yesterday at we were so far away. As was my optimism, thanks to my cervix and contractions. But we are now a week without contractions and 2 u/s with a behaving cervix!

Last night, Bobby decided that he had cooperated long enough with the doctors and nurses (well, I guess he really decided that with the u/s tech when he wouldnt stay still for a picture). They were late coming in for my monitoring and, instead of 9pm, it was 9:30pm. So, the young nurse starts looking for HBs. Maya- right there. No problem. Bobby- nothing. We hear the moving, there's kicking, but no steady tones. Now, perhaps had I not had the u/s, I would have been worried but I wasnt. I knew he was fine and just ornery. She spent half an hour and kept pushing on my belly to try and get him. Nothing. Finally, the pressure of her and of him headbutting my cervix was too much and I asked her to stop. I said that I was feeling a lot of uncomfy pressure and she apologized and took the monitors off. Then the TOCO came on and I had an hour of no contractions! (Yay!) At 11, Peter went and told them that an hour had passed (normally, we wait for them, but we were both utterly exhausted and wanted to sleep. We usually hit the hay around 10). A different nurse came in and was going to attempt the tones. I shook my head and say "No". She kind of looked at me funny and, as nice as I could, I said that based on his position, I was having more pressure than normal and the pressing on my belly made it worse. I also explained that I'd seen him happy, normal, and with HBs in the 140s 6 hours before and didnt feel like a second round of tones were going to do much, especially when he was moving around and okay. She said that was fine and left. Our regular nurse came back in and removed the TOCO and we went to bed. I felt bad, as though I should have just sucked it up, but honestly, I didnt want the pressure to cause the cerclage to buckle and my belly was sore from all the pushing.

But Bobby must have worn himself out because he slept all night. Maya... Not so much. :) Today, they've both been active little ones. It's like a rock concert in my belly. Lots of crowd surfing. :)

I've been really tired yesterday and today. I think I am finally getting used to my surroundings and starting to settle in. I took a nap yesterday and one today. It was nice. Helps the day go by...

A special thank you... I have received emails and letters from around the world from people I have never met outside of our virtual existences. The support, from people we know in real life and in the blogosphere is overwhelming. It truly has helped me during this pregnancy in untold ways and I am grateful. Everyone talks about the Internet as a way to get burned, to get hurt, etc, and we all know that that is true. But few people ever discuss the flip side. How you can help and be helped. I am so thankful for your prayers and your concern and your support. The cards and emails lift my spirits and I feel so un-alone on his journey right now. It is so hard when you feel that your grief isnt understood; yet, this blog has given me the knowledge that, in so many ways, it is understood. Just as our joy is.

One more day... Folks. We've gotten one more beautiful day. May tomorrow be as sweet. :)