Day 36: T-2

Thank you a million times over for the support and prayers. I feel so blessed by your compassion and your love for our family. Thank you.

Your prayers are working. Last night, during monitoring, Bobby's heartbeat went between 120s-190s. This morning, his HB was 130s-160s, with the majority 130s-150s. The arythmia is still very present; it is hard to hear the happy sound of Maya's normal heartbeat and then the irregular sounds of Bobby's. He sounds so labored. It just breaks my heart. But we are so grateful for the "normal" numbers. The SVT hasn't presented since Dr P did the u/s and monitoring. We are relieved that his heartbeat has not been over 200 in 2 days. We are praying that it never gets that high again. The nurses keep trying to reassure us that arythmias happen all the time and never lead anywhere, that it could totally fix itself before birth, that the medication can bring his HB back to regular beats... I dont think we will feel any sort of peace with the issue until Dr B, the Dupont fetal cardiologist, arrives on Monday and does the echo. If he says "Your son's heart looks perfect", I will be able to take a deep breath and believe that the arythmia isn't going to lead to his death in-utero and that this will either fix itself sometime between now and when he's born. But at this point, when a 28w delivery is still on the table, it is terrifying. I think that if his report is good, then we can look back at the 32-36w delivery. I am so hopeful for a good report. Please continue to pray that this is the case: that our little Maya continues to be safe and healthy and that our sweet boy has a perfect heart that is simply going through a growth spurt of some sort.

Peter and his scientific background have been a godsend right now. (For those who may not know, Peter's background is in biology and chemistry; he is a biochemist for a pharmaceutical company doing research. He will finish his Master's next spring (he's been going part time) in molecular biology.) As part of his coursework, he took a class on embryology, in which the fetal heart was discussed. He is handling the arythmia better than I am because of this, I think, and he helps to explain what the doctors are thinking to me, sometimes with visuals or just by using real world examples. I'm not a science person at all. I consider myself reasonably intelligent but I dont know how I would stay off the ledge if he werent here to talk me down. He was here on Tuesday (he basically got to work, I called, and he turned around and came back) and he stayed yesterday to talk to the doctors. He's taking Monday off so that he can be here for the echo and to interact with the doctors. I am so thankful. He has always put our family first and we are lucky that his company has always given him the leave to do that without any issue. When I read about people struggling with employment and insurance, it makes me all the more grateful that we are taken care of in this regard.

My blood sugar is all over the place. And I mean ALL over the place. For a few days (pre-propanolol), the diet worked to keep my blood sugar lower. But now... I am eating exactly the same thing and getting numbers everywhere, well over happy. I saw an endocrinologist yesterday and today, and I loved her. Just loved her! Dr Lee had always recommended that we see a "regular" endocrinologist in addition to her, to help manage the PCOS, and after a long consult with Dr Patel yesterday, she is our girl. Peter liked her too. So, post pregnancy, I will pick her up as part of my medical team. We discussed how she managed PCOS and I really liked her ideas. But, that is for the future... She came in to discuss the gestational diabetes. My A1C came back at 5.6, which she said is great. It shows that the diabetes is a recent issue and not something that was unchecked. That was great to hear. After yesterday and today's testings, the current plan is that I will get a slow moving dose of insulin before bed (after a blood sugar check). Then, in the morning, I will get a slow moving dose of insulin after my fasting blood sugar. Before breakfast, lunch, and dinner, I will get a blood sugar check, then a dose of emergency insulin (to counteract my food), then eat as soon after the injection as I can shove the first bite of food in. An hour after meals, another blood sugar check. So... if you count blood sugar sticks, that is 8 finger sticks. Every day. Yeah. It sucks. When they check on the side of the fingers, it doesnt hurt at all and my fingers dont bruise. The nurses who missed that memo and do the sticks on the inner part of the finger... those suck. My finger will hurt for an hour or so and then it feels sore. But, on a positive note, my fingers feel better than my arms and hands. Those IV sticks stay with you for days!

As much as I'm not thrilled about the constant blood letting, I dont want the babies to have ill effects from my blood sugar. And if it is the drugs that are bringing Bobby's heart rate into check, then getting 8 sticks a day for the next 10 weeks... I can do this. And I will do it gladly.

And speaking of... 10w to a full term delivery! I can barely believe that, starting Saturday, at 26w, we will begin a single digit week countdown! 9w6d... 9w5d... Wow... It's been such a long journey just to get here. To think about getting closer and closer, it brings tears to my eyes. Of course, we are still looking at our small goals.

2 days until 26w....

then 2w/14 days until 28w...

then our big jump: 4w/28 days until 32w!

and our final goal: 4w/28 days until 36w!

We will soon move from 4 goals down to 3 goals. Wow... Of course, each day is a goal and blessing but still... Just seeing it laid out this way when we've had so many goals set for us, is a great feeling.

And, as I am closing, some more news. My favorite Resident, Dr P, just came to see me... His rotation here is over... I am so sad! He will be in OB on nights for the month of September, but his next rotation is Oncology. I am just crushed that he is no longer in L&D. He said that he will be checking in on me regularly and that, if I feel concerned about anything, to let the nurses know and they will page him. What a sweet guy. I hugged him and thanked him for everything he has done for us. It was all I could do not to cry (damn pregnancy hormones...) as I wished him well. He is an outstanding doctor; I know that he will continue to grow in his work and become a great doctor outside of his residency. The compassion that he has shown me for the last 7 weeks... He will do very well in oncology, where those patients need a gentle hand, too. But how I will miss him... I will miss him so much.

On another note: it's been a year since this blog began, back on, August 25, 2008. A year, hundres of posts, and so many new friends. I wondered if I would make use of this space when I started. Now, I'm not sure what I would do without it. Or without you.