Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Finding My Happy Place (LOMIM)

Initially posted here

A friend of mine, in the beginning of this journey, told me to not be surprised when the weight loss slowed. The heavier you are, the easier the initial loss is, but then it gets harder as you get closer to where your body wants to be. At around 200 pounds, I slowed... Then again, around 180. And now, around 170, I'm finding that I'm slowing down. Is this my body finding its happy place? Or is it the result of me finding my lazy place? I'm not sure.

But it begs the question: how will I cope if my body's happy place is not the mental place I've set for myself?

159 is my BMI cutoff for a healthy weight. Given the BMI doesnt take into effect the muscle-to-fat ratios or your activity level; there are people with "healthy" BMIs who are anything but healthy. But it is one measure, and was a measure that I was looking forward to having on my side. At my required adoption physical, the PA listed me as "healthy weight". That was a shock. I mean, I weighed in (clothed) at 172- 13 pounds over "healthy", in the "overweight" range. She smiled and told me that it wasn't just about the BMI, there were more things to consider and that I was, for all purposes, at a healthy weight for my bone size, height, and muscle mass. Wow. Good to know... Shocking, but good to know. I guess my little fat pooch on my belly bothers me more than everything else... My blood pressure was good (110/70) and, although my bloodwork hasnt come back yet, the assumption based on previous tests and current lifestyle is that my cholesterol will also still be good.

My size 10 pants are loose but 2 of my 3 size 8 pants are still more snug than I'd like. But that's okay. A number is a number.

The dress I bought for my June 17th anniversary dinner still doesnt zip all the way. That is NOT okay! I like that dress! My MIL offered to alter it... If she does, can I still feel good about wearing it? Will I regret not dropping a few more pounds??? I dont know, but that is a mental block I need to deal with. Otherwise, it will become my excuse for eating when I'm not hungry.

So... What if my body decides 170 or 165 or 175 is its happy place? Will I let myself be happy there? Will I do what I said I'd never do and try to diet a little lower? Will I run myself ragged with exercise?

I dont think so... I plan to continue on the path of eating within what my body needs and exercising 4-5 days a week. If I continue to drop a few pounds, so be it. Will I make my June 30th goal of 150 pounds? I'm thinking not. But I'm starting to become okay with that. I wanted to be healthy. And I am. I really am. A few more pounds off the scale wont change that, and I'm really happy about knowing that.

But it doesnt mean that I wont continue, for now, to keep evaluating that with calorie intake, working out, and monitoring my emotional state of "are you hungry? yes/no?". But, I think that I'm getting to a place where, regardless of the place on the scale, I'll be okay.

I'll be happy.

I'll be healthy. No, wait. I am healthy. I am.



Queenie. . . said...

My little fat pooch on my belly bothers me more than anything else, too, and I'm a size 2. I think it's not a matter of a magic pants size or number on the scale-it's about how you feel, and no matter what we weigh, we always seem to find fault with our bodies. It definitely is a challenge to get over numbers too, isn't it? That's why I don't own a scale. Can't make myself crazy if I don't own one!

Anonymous said...

I think you look awesome!

Jen said...

You've really done an awesome job with your weightloss! Kudos!

BTW, I have the same dress! Gotta love Kohl's! :)

Terri Jones said...

I'm so happy for you for getting healthy! It will take dedication to stay that way and keep off all the weight. And because you didnt go on a diet but changed your lifestyle that you will succeed.