Well, it's Mother's Day here in the States... Happy Mother's Day: hold the babies in your arms tight and keep the ones you are missing in your hearts.
We're going to the 7:30 Mass and will sell roses afterwards for the Respect Life group... Then we have dinner plans at a place near our old house. It will be nice. Gifts and cards are done... I have a cute dress... Maya has a cuter dress... Hopefully, I'll get in my 11 mile run... It'll be a good day.
But, at the same time, it's missing something. It will always be missing several little someones to share the day with. Kids to struggle with making breakfast in bed. Babies who give mama "flowers" from the weed garden. Laughs and snuggles and jumping on the bed by a multitude of little feet. I'd have a beautiful bouquet of a dozen roses if I had one for each child I've had the privilege of being mother to.
Well, 13 actually...
Because, I have a secret. (And it's not what you think.)
I thought that holding out on blogging about G's short pregnancy was tough, but this has actually been tougher. Long sigh, fear fluttering in my chest. We will (hopefully? most likely? maybe?) have a baby in this house at the end of June. Oh my goodness... I've said it. We are adopting a precious baby boy who is due to be born at the end of June!!!
A baby. A baby boy. Due to be born by planned c-section at the end of June. Less than 2 months from now.
I tell myself that there is no chance for my heart. This all started a week ago (so I havent been holding out on you that long), when we were told that we had been chosen to be this baby's forever family. Sunday night, I knew that I loved this baby already. When I met the birthmother the following day, I knew that my heart was already in this growing baby's hands. I knew. And, just as I know that pregnancy doesnt equal live baby at the end of the journey, I know that the adoption process doesnt equal baby in your arms either. After 2 failed attempts at it (although none this close), I do know that.
And yet, we plan... I gave away nursery items after we had decided to no longer pursue fertility treatments and rather to adopt older children when Bobby and Maya were older. Some friends with little ones still have items (as well as their own) that they are willing to give back to me now that their kids are outgrowing (or lend to me things that they got on their own). Which is a godsend. I've already looked into fitting a third carseat into the middle row of my XC90. I've looked on Craigslist. I bought a complete nursery pattern- blues and yellows and greens with farm animals- from a local woman... a single snap-and-go from another... a pack-n-play from another. I still have one of my moby's and my shoulder sling... We've converted a section of our bedroom into a nursery space... 7 or 8 weeks... Enough time to get the things we know we needed with Bobby and Maya... To prepare ourselves... Our home... Our family...
We told our moms right away. They, as expected, are thrilled. Scared about the chances of loss, too, but happy for a new grandson to their broods. And now, there is the waiting... The hoping... The fear... The love... As we are now rushing through getting stuff squared away for our homestudy this week, we've decided it's time to let the cat out of the bag. If it all goes well, great! And, if it doesn't, we'll need the support when we crash.
We are choosing to think positively and to try to have as much hope as we can that things will work out. We love this child; we believe we will bring him home and be able to love him forever. That's all we can do right now. We have pictured kissing his forehead, snuggling him to sleep, and have whispered his name.
Today, if you would, please lift up a prayer on behalf of our new, sweet son, Michael Dimitri. While we hope that Michael's home will be with us, we are more concerned that- whatever the journey- it be the one that is right for him. Hold his birthmother in your thoughts too. While she has committed herself to adoption because she believes this is the best choice for this precious child, I know that her heart has to be hurting too. As a dear friend of mine (who is an adoptive mom) said, you cant believe this was "meant" to happen... That your child was meant to suffer the loss of their biological family or that their biological family was meant to have the pain of losing a child, so that your family could gain a son/daughter. No, we are lucky- extremely so- to be their forever families, but that family is built on tears and agony, and we can never forget the great sacrifice that has been made for the life of that special, wonderful child.
For sure, on this Mother's Day, I've received quite a special gift as we continue our countdown towards meeting our newest addition.