Monday, May 25, 2009


Have I jinxed this pregnancy by (gulp) updating my baby registry for these babies? After Nicholas and Sophia, I wasn't able to delete their registry. I just couldn't. Every time I tried, I would break down. With Alexander, I made the needed changes from a twin registry to a singleton registry. And, last night, I visited and began to update it. Twin stroller... Two car seats... Dual breast pump... There was some crying and the heartbreaking reality that this registry- that belonged to Nick and Sophie, and then Alexander, and now to these two, beautiful new lives- may end up being another lonely paper trail, full of things that no one will need... that no one will use...

As I was working on it, it struck me that I don't even know what to register for. I didn't know then either. I always worried that I didn't register for the necessities... That we'd somehow be bad parents who wouldn't have something. Who knew that what I wouldn't have would be my babies to nurture and watch grow... Is the registry still devoid of important things? I don't know... I currently have a beautifully furnished nursery, full of baby clothes. I'm registered for diapers and car seats and strollers... That has to be enough, right? If we can just make it?

12w2d... That is where we are. Normally, I'd hold off until 14w to celebrate the end of the first trimester, but since 36w is when the stitch is due to be removed, and our doctor believes we'll most likely go into labor right away, 12w really is the end of the first third of this journey. Is it possible that I'll be able to celebrate 24w? The hoped for 36w?

On a cerclage note, my bleeding has stopped again, although I'm still spotting brownish-pink when I wipe. My lower abdomen is still hurting, just minor discomfort, but it's still nerve wracking.

Well... As usual, I have to pee (no kidding, once an hour) and I'm hungry again. Have to go take care of business!Link


Busted Tube said...

A big hug to you and congratulations on having your hope still intact and strong after all you've been through- that's such a hard thing to muster, but so important too.

Kate said...

Sweet Michele, I celebrate your 12w + with an open heart. I cannot imagine navigating your journey or how you can be so incredible in your support of folks like me. THANK YOU, sincerely and whole heartedly.
I hope you can celebrate today-- and week 24, and 36... I think the best we can do, well, is the best we can do, right? So today, honor that you can update your registry and know that in this moment, there are two amazing beings doing what they need to do safely inside you-- the cerclage sounds shitty but I am so glad they can do that (and that you got two reassuring peeks at your little ones).
I know there is joy in this, and I know there is sadness and worry-- but i hope sometimes joy wins out. I know this journey is just one day at a time- and I wish you all good things.

Never forgetting Gregory said...

You've reached a milestone already! I can only imagine after your losses how it must feel to realize what COULD happen. I certainly hope and pray you are not left heartbroken again and that this registry will be used and needed. Hugs.

Donna said...

Celebrate the end of the first trimester!!! You've made it through a lot already. I can't wait to celebrate 24w with you!! (and then 36...)

As for the's a good thing to have ready. To me - it means you have hope for the future - and that is HUGE!

Reba said...

i celebrate your optimism, so very much deserve to enjoy this happy time.
i was too afraid to register and didnt end up doing it till 30 weeks this time. and when she arrived a little early, we didn't have everything ready. but as you know, they come on their own time. you and peter are wonderful parents and will continue to be, no matter how many necessities you have on your registry.

Mommy (You can call me OM) said...

I can sense your anxiety about the registry. Yet, I know you are just so excited and hopeful for the future. I'll keep praying that you find more peace in these upcoming days.

If you ever want my list of 'necessities', just let me know. Mine is a pretty short list. It doesn't even include a crib! :)

Peace, my friend.

Alisha said...

This is hard to navigate, isn't it? Celebrate and enjoy every moment of this pregnancy. That's really all we can do. I am so optimistic for you...and for me. ((HUGS))

Anonymous said...

I'm so happy to hear that you are already at 12 weeks, and will definitely pray for the quick and peaceful passing of the next 24 weeks.
I'm also very happy to hear that you are not having too much discomfort from the cerclage.
As for the registry, I think it's a fine thing to do.
I will ask Jesus to bless you both with His peace, and to bless your little ones with good health.
P.S. It might help to keep in mind, the Divine Mercy Image: "Jesus I Trust In You" or the image of His Sacred Heart :)

Anonymous said...

Michelle, i am really glad you made it so far already but at this point i think you should talk to someone becuase you seem to be having a signs of serious depression. Its ok to grieve but there is a very fine line and you seem to be having all the symptoms. Please go talk to someone and get some professional help, before things get worse. Once you get help you can still grive for your lost babies without being severely depressed.
On other hand you should totally celebrate 12 weeks !!!! Im sending you lots of prayers.
Kate (following your blog for a while but never left a comment yet)

Annalien said...

I am really praying that this pregnancy goes all the way. God bless!

Anonymous said...

I started a registry during our waiting and IUI months. It was my way of having hope and being sure things would work out. Update that registry, and be confident in your body! :)