Friday, January 23, 2009

2 months

Happy 2 month birthday, my sweet Alexander. Would that you were here, I would kiss you for all the days you were with me and hug you even more. Instead, my hand is on my heart, in the hopes that you can feel the warmth of me there.

2 months. 1,475 hours. 88,500 minutes. 53,100,000 seconds. 2 months. A lifetime without you. Life with you seems so small in comparison, but I'll take it. If those 5 minutes, those precious 300 seconds are all that I get to have with you on this earth, then they are mine and I treasure them.

Today, I had a melt down. I'm sure that some of it is because of the March yesterday. Peter and I went to the March for Life yesterday. As many of you know, we are the coordinators of our parish's Right to Life committee and the March is one of our largest activism activities. It was a lot of work, but so worth it. What a moving experience. But the hardest was walking by the signs of the babies, some older than our little ones, some younger, who have been killed in the sake of "choice". What about their choice to live??? The hardest part is the realization that my babies, in the womb of another, could be killed. I cried as I passed by those signs, the images of the poor, innocent babies, the children who may have cured Aids, found a remedy for famine, who may have brought peace to the world, these babies who were murdered. But I also found hope in the faces of the hundreds of thousands who came out in support of these little ones. Maybe our voices will be heard. Maybe one day.

Coming home, there were some stresses from family that had to be addressed and we went to be tired and, at least for my part, restless. Waking up this morning, the realization that not only my precious baby boy but also my sweet twins were gone was too much. I cried, I stayed in bed, I didnt want to move. Peter, at a loss for what to do I think, gave me Maggie (panda bear) and Tippy Mickey (bear he had as a little boy) and just held me close until finally having to go to work. Afterwards, I still slept late into the morning before finally getting up and going to work.

Tonight, we are visiting friends for a late night party, but first, we will celebrate our little one with a very craved dinner of tuna salad sandwiches and tomato soup. I'm looking forward to that a lot.


nikki wood said...

I will remember Alexander in prayer today, as you remember David for me. I hope they are together, playing and laughing, away from the pain and suffering this world had to offer. Thank you for all you have done already, even though it SUCKS it brings me comfort I'm not alone...

k@lakly said...

Thinking of all of you today. I hope the evening lightens your heart.