I'm still alive, although days like today I wish I'd died with them... God, the missing is awful. Yet, it's right, too. The missing is a sign of how much I love them, in a way, and I wouldnt give up the missing if it meant giving them up, just like I wouldnt give up the hurt if it meant that... But, man does it hurt... Like a knife that has stripped you up and down and then come back for another pass. But, I'm still here.
Saturday, Dr. B's lab form arrived. Yesterday, after my regular dentist's appointment (and, of course, there are issues because I need one more thing on my plate- I have to go in to have a filling replaced next week and make an appt with an oral surgeon to have my two upper wisdom teeth removed) I went to the Lab. The woman knows me by sight now, never a good sign, and took me back for my urine test right away. I had to fill the cup because he was running 3 urine tests. Then, the blood work... 15 tests. 12 vials. The first stick produced nothing; my vein collapesed right away. I guess after a week of nonstop testing, it just couldnt take it anymore. The other arm was a champ and we got all the vials- full I might add- without any issue. Which is good. I dont think I could have handled another poke or prod. The results for most should be back sometime today and I expect a call from Dr. B. The phleb said that some of the tests have to be sent away for so those might not be back right away. Great... Just something else to wait for.
One of our priests called today to discuss the memorial service. They'd hoped to do it this weekend, but Peter's parents are away (they just decided) so I asked if we could do it next week instead. He's going to consult with the Pastor and get back to me.
I feel so tired and so deeply hurt inside. I had hoped to sit and write for an hour but I think I'll nap instead.