Tonight, Peter and I spent the evening at Mass. It was a beautiful service, full of beauty and hope. But to me, there was something missing... Three someones... As we sat there, together, holding hands, all I could think of how much we have gained- and lost- this year. What an amazing and beautiful year. 3 babies... 3 beautiful, precious babies who chose us to be their parents. And the losses... It hurts too much to even think about at times. Most times... Right now...
And so, as we prepare for bed, I'll lay awake again, I'm sure, as I have each night for the last week or so. And then tomorrow, I'll get up before the sun to get to church and get it unlocked for the Christmas Masses. I'm the Sacristan for 7:30am, and then after breakfast with Peter's parents and my dad, we leave for Tennessee. We're gone through New Year's. We needed to get away, but at the same time, I dont want to be anywhere else.
Today, it's just what it is. Half an hour til Christmas. Christmas. I cant believe we are here.
Mother Angelica, in a replay of one of her shows, asked "What are you going to give Jesus on his birthday?"
O Master grant that I make seek to console, rather to console. To understand than to be understood; to love rather than to be loved.
Merry Christmas, as much as it can be merry for all of us.