Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Sh*tty Day

(warning: profanity (the "S" word) contained)

We have a rule in the house that I, with my potty mouth, often break...  Profanity can only be used if it is a legitimate use of the word, otherwise, the speaker is met with the word "Violation!"  So, for Peter and Sarah, who often NOV me (NOV=notice of violation) for my mouth, here's a non-NOVable story.

Yesterday was a shitty day.  Really.

The kids didnt feel well and ended up napping right after their not-really-hungry breakfast.  When they woke up, we played for a little while until their dipes needed changing.  So, into Maya's room we went.  Maya's diaper was first.  Sure enough, she was dirty.  Changed her and voila! Done.  Onto the mister.  I get Bobby on the changing table and have his PJ bottoms off and one half of his dipe open when Maya screams.  I turn around and she is standing in the gate to her room: half in the hall, half in her room, with her little foot caught under the bottom.  So, I quickly put Bobby on the floor, get her out of the pickle she's gotten herself into, and then turn around.

And then the world goes in slow motion, just like a bad movie.

I dont know if I a) forgot to close B's diaper or b) he opened the diaper himself.  Both are possible.  But suffice it to say, one side is open... Hanging down his leg...  And the diaper?  It's shitty alright.  And full of it.

As the slow motion running towards him begins and my voice says "NNNNNNOOOOO!!!!", I think I've got him when I grab him before he starts running... But, God has an interesting sense of humor and, before I can get him out of the diaper (and stop his dirty butt from getting all over my WHITE shirt), the diaper turns over.

That's right.  Now, the floor is shitty too.

Thank goodness the consistency of what fell was such that nothing stained the carpet.  But still.  Poop.  On the carpet.  Need I say just how disgusting and gross that is???

I scoop up the offending diaper and the baby in question and get stuff squared away, then it's off to get them out of Maya's room, so that I can put carpet cleaner on the floor.  It all worked out... I cleaned the carpet and even ended up getting both kids' beds changed (which means I dont have to do it tomorrow!), but still...

When it rains, it pours... (Shit, it seems!)


Anonymous said...

try this on for size.. Aly fihured out how to get her diaper off and smeared poop in her crib ..
Oh .. and she has now pooped (whilesitting) in the bath tub ... not once, not twice .. but three times. Each time, it sticks to the bottom and I have to take her out, clean her off, then drain the tub and clean the tub as if it were a litter box..

ahhh .. kids and poop !

Jen said...

Ha! Who hasn't been up to the their eyeballs in poop when you're a mommy?

One day, I put Cooper in his crib for a nap in a t-shirt, diaper and a pair of babylegs. I went to get him after he woke up and saw something that looked like a leaf from his nursery door but it didn't seem like a leaf the closer that I got to him. He had opened his diaper and spread poop from one end of the crib to the other. It was nasty! I called to my hubby "you've gotta come and see this!" All the while, Cooper is just laughing away like a madman!

All mommies have shitty days from time to time! ;)

Rebecca Frech said...

I'm so sorry for your shitty day.

My boy who is the same age as Bobby, has begun ripping his diaper off at any opportunity. We've resorted to duct tape. I tape him into his diapers and have to use scissors to cut them off. It sounds nuts, but it's the only way to keep the pants on the boy and the poop off of the floor.

quadmom said...

Oh noooo, I can totally see this happening. You poor thing!! I will share with you a story to make you laugh -- John dropped a diaper of Sophie's with a solid poop and didn't realize the poop rolled onto the hardwood floor. I didn't see it and STEPPED in it! I nearly had a heart attack. ;) Ah, motherhood. Hang in there, girl.

Kir said...

oh honey, I am so sorry. But because I have twins too (and boys at that..) I know how this goes...and I just hate days like that..when it all goes to Sh**.

hope today and this week is MUCH BETTER.

(hey it makes good stories right???) HUGS

Ms. J said...

Love the sloooow motion recap ;o)

One time, when Lil Pumpkin was still in diapers, she had a super dry poop (think little cocoa-puff sized nuggets). I was changing her on the couch, and she was wriggling (yes, diaper pad underneath her).

After I finished she scrambled off the couch, picked something off our dark, hardwood floor, popped in her mouth, made a face, pulled it out (I'm thinking an escaped Che.erio) and hands it to me.

Yes, a dried turd. Fun! Especially for a hand sanitizing germ phobe like me!

ezra'smommy said...

If it makes you feel any better, I have ended up with poop on dryclean-only sweaters more times than I can count. This Saturday when I dropped off the latest victims, the drycleaner asked 'aw the baby threw food on you again?' - didn't have the heart to correct him ;)

Jen said...

Been there, done that!! We learned the hard way to only put our twins in onesies when they go to bed. One day I went in to get them up from nap and notice stuff all over the walls behind my boy's crib. At first I thought it was crayon that he had snuck into his bed after coloring (he's done that before). Then, I noticed he was naked from the waist down. Yep, it was poop; or well, "poo-casso" as my husband so lovingly called the artwork. In my shock I glanced at my daughter to make sure she was still clothed and she was...sort of. She had managed to take her diaper off through the leg hole of her baggy onesie. The diaper was in the corner of her crib, nice and dry and clean....but she wasn't. She had pooped and peed all over herself. Between baths and laundry and scrubbing and scrubbing, disenfecting, disenfecting again and lots of air freshner, I think that little adventure took a solid 3 hours to rectify. I laugh now as I am recounting this, but at the time I just wanted to crawl in a dark hole!!

one-hit_wonder said...

Oh my!!! Heehee!
Sorry for your shitty day, though!