Why not indeed.
My first beta was low, somewhere around 28, which was mere points over what we needed to be considered "pregnant" and my progesterone hadnt risen from my first 7dpo test, so I was prescribed supplements. But I worried... Our nurse tried to sound optimistic, especially since my beta with Nicholas and Sophia had been so low... But when the second test came back in the low 40s and the third test barely 50... We were told to prepare for the worst. I remember our nurse trying to gently tell me that my child... my fourth baby... most likely, was dying.
I prayed. Oh how I prayed. When I stopped taking the Prometrium, I prayed. When the bleeding didnt start, I prayed. God, please, dont let this baby die, too. Not my sweet Dimitri. Please... But I didnt really start praying until the days leading up to Father's Day, when Peter said that all he wanted for his first big Father's Day was for our baby to live. At that point, I stopped praying for a big, happy ending, especially when I knew my betas were falling. Instead, I prayed that our baby would be alive on Father's Day... That, if it was meant for him to join his siblings in heaven, then I would be okay with that, but to please, please, please, save them from miscarriage before or on Father's Day.
I began bleeding with my second miscarriage the Monday after and we returned to Dr Lee at the end of the month to make sure I was physically alright and that our baby had really passed away.
So, today, we remember the baby that we felt was a boy, the baby that we named Dimitri. His name was so perfect... We wanted to name him after Peter's brother, whose middle name was Dimitri, and also after Sophia, since he was due on her birthday. Gaea means "Earth" and Dimitri is a masculine diminutive of Demeter. It was perfect. You have so many people surrounding you in heaven, sweet boy. One day, I'll be there too and I'll hold you so tight! I'll only let go to welcome more of your siblings into our hug circle.