Something that we've cherished in our home are the rooms that we created for our children. Nicholas and Sophia had the "big kid" room... Alexander had the nursery... Bobby and Maya, the school room. At some point, I always realized the rooms would switch around... But until we actually switched the rooms, I dont think I realized the impact it would have on me.
Going into the nursery and "big kid" room, I always felt the children they were made for, even as Bobby and Maya were sleeping there. Before they were born or when they were in the NICU, going into those rooms gave us another way to connect to their brothers and sisters. Once they came home, we even referred to the nursery as "Alexander's room" between ourselves.
When we started changing their rooms around, it was a shock to see them stripped bear. The nursery becoming the office was the hardest transition, but it was strange to walk by the "big kid" room when we were taking furniture out. It almost felt like we were evicting Nicholas, Sophia, and Alexander.
But, as Bobby and Maya's rooms came into focus, it became clear that we werent evicting anyone, rather, that their rooms were growing into the rooms they were to be.
A nice addition was that we brought Nicholas, Sophia, and Alexander's box back into our room. It has been in the nursery, and then in the shared bedroom, since Bobby and Maya came home, and now, it is back in our room, next to me. I've missed that; I'm glad that they are back with us. Where I now think of as "their" special place.
Still, I cant lie and tell you my breath doesnt catch at times, walking by and seeing "BOBBY" or "MAYA" on the door, and looking in to see their things decorating their rooms. But it is beautiful to walk in and feel their presences in their rooms... To see what we helped create for them, and what they take to the next level by simply sleeping there.
Another peace, I suppose...
I don't know why but every time I read your posts about the children you have lost I can feel a deep sense of love that reconnects me to my lost pregnancies. It's peaceful and not painful, so thank you my friend, Fran
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