So, October 4th, I decided to make a change in my life. It all started with this post and the outpouring of love and support I received. I decided that I agree with the sentiment in the chickflick "The Wedding Date": everyone has the exact life they choose. Yes, my weight changed after my body was hit with PCOS and Hashimoto's. Yes, my weight is impacted by my grief and my desire to calm the hurt with food. But the way I live my life is a choice. Choosing to drink 4 sodas a day because I want to, choosing to eat a big piece of cake (and then snack on the crumbs later), ordering an appetizer, salad, entrée, and dessert, and eating them all PLUS a glass (or two or three) of wine: these are choices. I love to cook and boy, do I love to eat... And these are the choices I make. Choosing to watch another rerun of Law and Order instead of working out or going for a run... Choice.
Being heavy: yes, a burden of issues a can't necessarily control, but also a choice of things I can. PCOS & Hashimoto's make it easy to gain and hard to lose... But not impossible.
So, I made a new choice. I decided to choose to do something different. To make the choice to stop blaming something else- including myself- and start making a difference. I started a private blog to record my weight (which I'm just emotionally not ready to share) and to write down EVERY.SINGLE.THING that goes in my mouth, along with the calories associated. I jot down my exercise and then the calories burned. I do it every meal/workout and I do it religiously. It may mean going to bed a little later or not being able to do something else because I have to calculate the meal I made for dinner or the snack at the bistro we visited, or because I have to figure out how many calories I burned. But, I'm doing it.
It's tough to not eat what I want whenever I want it, but it is liberating to talk to myself and say "Hey, You- YOU AREN'T HUNGRY. GET THE %*#$ OUT OF THE KITCHEN PANTRY!!!". It's great to fit comfortably into my "fat" pants. It's nice to watch the scale drop. And it has... Since October 4th (so 21 days ago- 3 weeks), I have dropped my BMI by one full point and have lost 6.5lbs (and, actually, 8lbs since my post from 9/27 when I had my little meltdown). I've fallen off the wagon on some days by enjoying treats that bump my desired intake of 1500 calories a day to well over 3000 calories, but I choose to say "Okay, not a problem, do better tomorrow" instead of beating myself up. And, I remind myself that, a month ago, I probably easily ate and drank that on a daily basis- if not higher! (It's amazing to think how many calories we drink away).
So, this is me, today, 3 weeks after that choice, almost 7lbs lighter, and feeling a little bit better about myself. :) Thanks again for the support. While I dont plan to constantly discuss weight on here, I want to give periodic/monthly updates, since many of you understood where I was coming from. One day, when I'm more confident and comfortable in my skin, I'll share my food journal link. But for today... This is where I am.
Thanks for coming along for the ride. :)