No one was nuts enough (dumb? insensitive? unthinking? I don't know, fill in the blank with a word less offensive (or more so) if you'd like) to wish me a "Happy First Mother's Day" this year. I'm not sure why, then, that I've been wished, for Peter, several "Happy First Father's Day"s today. Really??? I tell myself that they mean nothing by it, except to say Happy Day, or to acknowledge Bobby and Maya in a special way. I'm sure this is what they mean. But especially when people go out of their way to say "Tell Peter a Happy FIRST Father's Day", it kind of hits a nerve...
Have others gone through this? Where the mother of dead children is remembered on Mother's Day (at least in some way) but the Father is sort of forgotten? I really don't get it.. Is it because we, as mothers, carry our children physically and our husbands dont? I'm at a loss... Lucky, we have beautiful family and friends that have been wishing Peter Father's Day greetings since Nicholas and Sophia were born in 2008. So why does it bother me???
We went to Mass this morning as a family sans my father-in-law, who was sick (I gave my cold to my MIL, who passed it on to FIL... SADNESS!). The fathers received a special blessing, and afterwards, Peter and I sold little packets of Hershey's kisses on behalf of the Respect Life Committee. I had gotten up early and made Peter breakfast in bed, so when we got home, we fed the kids, did some more church stuff, picked up my dad, and headed over to Peter's parents for a late lunch/early dinner. Sarah joined us for dessert, and we had a lovely afternoon.
Peter's gift from the kids hasnt arrived yet so I cant post about it (since I dont want him to find out) but I got him an Orthodox study Bible since he had mentioned wanting one. His parents crafted a beautiful paperweight with pictures of all the children inside. He also received some lovely cards.
I spoke to my (step) dad on the phone, and was able to wish him a happy day. He loves to cook (hence those 10 pounds I brought back with me from Tennessee) and was making his own dinner. (If Mom is reading, I hope you cleaned up after him! It's Father's Day after all!) He's a sweetheart, and I'm glad he was enjoying his day.
Like Mother's Day, today is a bittersweet day. Nicholas and Sophia and Alexander are in our hearts everyday, but on days like today, they come out in different ways. And that brings smiles and tears. How we miss them. I studied their pictures today, and I remember holding them like it was yesterday. I remember their sweet little faces that I kissed so delicately... Their hands that I held and caressed. Their feet that pressed so gently against me from the inside. I remember their smells and their smiles and the way it felt as they left this world and the warmth faded. Oh, how I miss them. How my heart aches to feel them in my arms. How my body aches to hold them again.
Bobby and Maya. I dont even have words for how beautiful life is with them. They are both desperate to walk. (Hmmm... Who does that sound like? Wanting to walk before they can even crawl...) They must have known today was a special day for dads. They loved snuggling with Daddy for extra, and cried when he left to go on a late afternoon bike ride. They reach for me when others hug them, and will say "Mama" at the drop of a hat. :) I love it. Maya smiles and those two little teeth poke up. Bobby laughs and his entire face lights up. They warm my heart. They are a balm for my soul.
Happy Father's Day to all the wonderful men out there who missing saints in heaven or loving angels on earth. Today, and every day, we honor you.