8w5d appointment

(Sorry, no pictures today... They haven't been scanned in yet.)

We had our first official prenatal with Dr. Bailey yesterday at 11:45am. It was so nice to see him again. He's really a great doctor. We discussed the pregnancy thus far and then, the all important surgery. He'd like to do it around 3 weeks from yesterday. So a new countdown begins! He discussed what goes into the surgery (basically, they'll push my bladder out of the way and then stitch a little box from bladder to cervix and back around; I'll be given a uterine relaxer the day before, day of, and day after; one night in the hospital then 2w on bedrest until a follow up appt to check the stitching and healing; expect some spotting the first few days, possibly some cramping). All in all, he seemed very confident that things will go smoothly. I'll have to have a (gasp) epidural for pain management and, primarily, to keep me still. I'm not digging that. But it is the safest for the babies (general anesthesia can cause issues, not to mention, I've never had it so they dont know if I'd have a negative side effect- not what you want during pregnancy).

So, on to the babies! Both were doing great! Baby A was curled up and asleep- so cute! Dr. B. couldnt get a good measurement because she was curled up on her side, but what he did get was 8w3d +/- 2d, which is good, especially knowing it is off by a bit. HB was 171 bpm. The cutest thing was that she was moving her arms while she slept! You'd see her little heartbeat going then see a little shadow then heart again. At first I was nervous, but he zoomed in and you could see that her little arm buds were moving. The funny thing is, when I sleep, I have this habit of rubbing my hands and my feet together, like a little grasshopper. Peter's convinced I've passed this trait on, LOL! Baby B was dancing. I kid you not. We had a full frontal and you could see little legs and arms just moving up a storm! She measured 8w6d with HB of 176 bpm. And the detail with the ultrasound! Oh my goodness! We saw facial features. While the vaginal u/s is uncomfortable as all get out, it beats the hell out of the abdomen one. We began with an abdomen and it was exactly what you expect. You could see shades of gray and black and white and make out where the babies were in their sacs, but no detail. The vaginal- you would have thought they were much larger babies. At this point, they are less than an inch tall and yet we could see sooooo much. It was wonderful.

My cervix measured over 4 and was a closed T shape. It was curved, so an exact measurment couldnt occur. But he has over 2.5cm between my bladder and the end of my cervix, so he was very happy and said that, assuming this measurement holds, he thinks the surgery will be fairly uncomplicated. It should take less than an hour on the table, minus the checking in, epidural, recovery, etc. He wants to see us once a week until the surgery, so I have appointments for the next 2 Thursdays already scheduled.

In fun news, my little Volvo was taken into the shop. Sadness.... in the amount of $750. It was 2 fairly minor problems. One of the small engine parts was old and leaking. Not a big deal you say... Except that my engine is a turbo. So, they couldnt just repair it. They had to actually take the engine apart. The cost of labor because it's an all day job? Almost $600. The part was less than $30. Fun times. Then, my A/C had to be recharged. It was completely empty. Not a huge amount of labor, but it's $100 to charge it completely. Now, I expected this. My car is over 11 years old, so this is the cost of driving it around during summers with the A/C on. I expect that the Subaru (2002) will have to be charged within the next few years. But still.... Breaking my heart and the bank account! But, all is well. The Volvo is back to Peter (he works near our mechanic) and all is well. The price you pay for the safest car on earth!

I am now in the final week of employment. I'm nervous, truth be told. I haven't not had a job since college- and I actually worked even then a few hours each week! I've been working, mostly nonstop, since 1996. And before that, I worked in my parent's business (back in the days when it wasnt illegal to have your own underage kid working in the family business for a buck or two an hour...) So, I'm actually scared! I know that being a SAHM is a full time job, but I'm more concerned about the bedrest. After talking to Dr. Bailey, I realize that it wont be as bad as we once thought. Assuming I heal, he says that I can go to church on Sundays, go to the bathroom, make myself a sandwich, sit up in bed... Just not staying up on my feet for too long at a time. Because it is a preventative cerclage and not a salvage cerclage, he has expectations that things will go very well. But, still... I dont want to be a burden on anyone else. I already feel bad that, once again, Peter will be both husband and wife. Working all day and then coming home to do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning. He does it all with a smile. But I still feel bad.

Last night, we both had some breakdowns. I'm not sure, but usually repeating steps that we've done with Nick, Sophie, and Alex sometimes bring the harsh reality that they are not with us in this life into clear focus. There's still a lot of guilt, from both of us, that we couldnt protect them... That we failed them... Last night, after dinner, my guilt poured out. Peter held me for an hour until I cried myself to sleep, then we got up and went to bed, and things were better.

And, finally, yesterday afternoon we went to CSS for our first of three home visits. Misnomer, I know, since it isnt at home. They took our pregnancy news very well and completely understood our desire to become inactive after the paperwork, etc. is complete. They took our family histories and the history of our relationship. We were there for about 2 hours, but it was a good visit. In the past, everything has focused on foster parenting and the children involved, but this appointment was more us telling them about ourselves and where we've come from, where we've been, and where we are now. It was interesting to answer some of the questions, too. Some were things that neither of us have ever really asked ourselves.