Wednesday, August 3, 2011

On Being Away

It's strange to feel so comfortable in a space and yet feel like such a foreigner there.  It's how I feel right now... Writing here... In this space that used to be mine so often and that now is like a book on a shelf that I stumble by to finger the spine but pass all the same.  Today, I blow the dust off the cover and crack it open, but will I ever fully read the pages again?  Will I ever open it completely?  Even I dont have the answer...

I'll start with something small...  Our anniversary trip from June...  It was lovely.  We had such a nice time.  It was only a day away but it felt like so much more.  I started the afternoon with a massage that Peter gifted to me from a local spa (for Valentine's Day... lazy, I know.)  He picked me up and we grabbed a Rita's water ice and he gave me my joint birthday/anniversary gift: a beautiful, alexandrite tennis bracelet.  It's gorgeous.  My breath catches whenever I wear it.  It's perfect.  Alexandrite is my birthstone (in spite of most people defaulting to the pearl because of the ease to acquire).  Non-synthetic alexandrite is hard to find... ever changing...  The stone reflects light and is never the same color.  Perhaps like me in a lot of ways.  But I digress: bracelet.  Gorgeous.  Love it.  Perfect gift.  Then, we headed up to our getaway.

We checked into our B&B then hit the local movie theater, which reminded me of something out of 1985.  Old fashioned seats and screens (and concessions).  They even had a photo booth in the lobby.  After kicking Peter's butt in air hockey (did I mention the games???), we stepped inside the booth and took pics.  The last one is my favorite.

We saw Hangover 2.  Raunchy, but funny.

Then, back to the B&B for a quick wardrobe change and on to the winery for dinner.  It was delicious.  And Fate had something else in store for us.  The couple who sat at our table?  Twin parents on their first date post-babies.  Boy/Girl twins...  They were infertiles....  Knew our RE...  We had a lot in common.  It was crazy.

Dinner (and the wine) were wonderful.  We had a great time.  The next morning, we headed to our favorite little spot, did some town walking, enjoyed lunch, and then made our way home to our very happy kids who had water colored pictures for us and anxiously awaited our return (even though they had a great time without us).  It was nice to be away but even nicer to come home. :)


It's hard to believe they are turning 2...  This is the last month they will be 1 and something.  The last month we'll count "months" and not years.  I got their birthday invitations in the mail.  I still cant believe it.

As I plan their birthday party, I am constantly amazed at the miracles in my midst.  Constantly amazed.  They are growing up more and more. 

When we go outside to play, Bobby brings me presents.  He has this intent look on his face, then his eyes light up and he'll pick something up, be it a rock, leaf, branch, or whatever, then run it over to me.  I thank him, give him a big hug and kiss, and he's off!  It's the most adorable thing ever.  I love those leaves...  rocks... These gifts that he finds and brings to me.  It's like hearing "I love you, Mama" over and over again when I look at them.

Maya... Ah, Maya.  Recently the little one (who is more like me and is my "just desserts" even though I hate to admit it)....  Recently, she took off her diaper and hid it.  Now, this wouldnt be so terrible, except... The dipe is dirty.  I cant find it.  I've looked, Peter's looked.  It is to the wind. We have torn the house apart.  My prayer is that she somehow got it in a garbage can and we missed it.  I can only imagine what we will find if we ever find the thing.  I guess, on a good note, the dipe is biodegradable... Ugh.  I dont even want to continue this line of thought.

We had a tornado last Friday.  It was brief and, thank God, we didnt suffer any substantial damage.  We are, however, losing one of our giant Maples from the front yard.  Best guess is that lightening hit it, spliting it down the middle, and then the heavy winds did the rest.  One company thought they could save it and bolt it back together.  We were willing to do whatever to save the tree, but when the guys came today, they told us that, sadly, they didnt think there was enough left to save.  It breaks my heart that this tree has to come down.  It's one of the gorgeous front yard trees that brought such an aire of peace to this property.  Not to mention, I'm sad for the tree-spirit.  We did all we could to save it and now we have to say good-bye.  I'm troubled about this, but there is no other way.  Another good storm and if our house managed to stay out of harms way, there's no guarantee a car (or person) on the street would be so lucky.

Well, that's all for today, I suppose.  Hopefully this space will start feeling more like home once again and I'll be more of a resident and less of a guest.  But, for now, this is me... :)  Hugs to you all and my apologizes that I'm still to the wind.


Debby@Just Breathe said...

I was so happy to see a post from you. I have been meaning to email you and then I forget. You are always in my thoughts. Can't believe Maya & Bobby will be two years old. It has truly flown by.
Sounds like your anniversary was perfect. (we were in Paris for our June anniversary) I would think that Maya may have gotten that diaper in the trash, after almost two years I am sure it would be a natural place to put it. If not well I wish you luck! ((HUGS))

Hillary said...

I've been missing your posts! I'm glad that you're back!


Anonymous said...

I was just thinking of you today & wondering how you are. Good to se that things are going so well, and good to hear from you. I understand your need for a bit of distance, but you've been missed.

Baby Smiling In Back Seat said...

Good to hear from you!

Where oh where could that diaper be?!?

trennia said...

I was just thinking about you last night...I miss you in blogland.

greeneyes said...

happy anniversary dearie. wish you lots of happy and blessed years ahead.

happy birthday babies.... lots of hugs and kisses.

God bless your home...

Amy said...

Just seconds ago I was sitting here, wishing for a new post from you, and viola! Its not a "woo hoo" post, but its a post!

I am SO sorry about the tree. It is heartbreaking to have something so beautiful torn down, especially something that takes so much time to grow.

And I so much sympathize with your family planning dilemma. We have only three (with a fourth we continue to pray will survive birth), and it breaks my heart to think this might be it. I also have similar conflicts (physical and family)that I truly believe would make another pregnancy an impudent decision on our part. I never know what surprise god may I in store, but in my little human mind, this is it. And it breaks my heart. I know we will consider adoption, but I also recognize how difficult it is to adopt in the state we live in. I do not want to get my hopes up.

I read something beautiful a few weeks back that, if I can remember it well enough, I'd like to share:

Sometimes we must give up our dreams for more blessing and focus on our vocation of raising the ones we have.

I know the cross of wanting more children, and not having that blessing bestowed. It is a strange cross for the world we live in, but it is our cross nonetheless. And we must bear it.

Take care sweetie, and may peace be in your heart.

(And as of Monday, I begin my third trimester! While I know there is still no guarantee, this baby is so VERY active, and I am now beginning to smile and breath sighs of relief. I cannot wait to hold this little one on my arms, and hear her cries. Oh, what blessed cries they will be!

Amy said...

Oh no! I just finished a somewhat lengthy note and I am not sure if it made it! I dislike so much when that happens! I wonder, should I attempt to retype it? Oh bother!

Terri Jones said...

Cute pics of you two. I can't believe those babies are almost 2!!!