Saturday, August 20, 2011

CIA Training

If the Central Intelligence Agency is ever in need of a training technique to teach covert operatives how to get in and out of situations quickly, I know the secret: either hire mothers of twins (or higher level multiples) or I'll lend my kids out for the weekend.  Seriously.  I've never been more grateful to attending a military college than for the ability to take a full scale shower in less than 90 seconds. 

Most days I'm able to grab a shower before Peter goes to work or I take one after the gym.  But there are the days where, for one reason or another, I dont have that luxury and it's either dont shower or take one with the kids in the house.  And, although it may sound terrible, I'm a shower-a-day-aholic.  It doesnt need to be a long shower, but it needs to be something.  Hence, my 90 second "rookie shower".  But, add toddlers to the equation and that makes it CIA training.

Here's how I see the training protocol working itself out.  Take two kids just prior to snack time... Two kids who have decided, for one reason or another, to make attacking each other's snack bowl the highlight of their morning.  Only give them half a snack, since you realize as you are pouring their puffs into their bowls that the container only has enough to give them each half a snack and the box of the containers- you buy them by the case after all- is in the garage and hasnt been unpacked.  Have I mentioned that the shower is running because you have forgotten snack time?  Oh, and that you are in a bathrobe?  Yeah, fun times.  So, you give them the halfsnack and dash into the bathroom, door open of course.  You've got 90 seconds- tops.

Rip the robe off, hop in, oops the water is too hot- you turned it all the way over to warm it quickly.  Dial back the water.  Wash your face- rinse it.  Lather your shampoo and rinse.  Condition your hair and sponge the freshly soaped puffy over your body.  Rinse and run a razer over all the parts that must be done before you face the public.  Rinse again.  Water off, grab a towel, and get out. 

But you arent done yet!!

Moisturize, deoderize, and slap on your underwear.  Peak out the door- are the kids still okay?  Do you have time left?  Yes had better be the answer to both those questions!  Grab your jeans and pull them over your mostly dry legs.  As you are running mouse and pomade through your hair get your shirt over your head and slip into your flip flops. 

3-2-1- You're done! 

Anyone who can't do all that fails their CIA training and has to try again... and, instead of just a weekend of twinlove, they have to do it for a week!  That'll teach them.

(Oh, and extra credit if you're able to brush your teeth too!!!)


Jen said...

Been there done that!! It's amazing what you can do when absolutely necessary! But I wouldn't change it for the world. Because even though the challenges with twins is doubled, the rewards and love are as well....and that makes it totally worth it. At least that's what I am forced to remind myself when I am hit with a challenging moment! LOL For Halloween last year, my sister made me an orange t-shirt to wear that said "You can't scare me, I have twins!" it!

Amy said...

30 WEEKS TODAY!!!!! YIPPEE!!!! :-) You are still welcome to come out to New Mexico at the end of October to practice your doula skills! ;-)

Reba said...

unbelieveable!!!! i haven't ever been able to take a shower with naomi around. my shortest shower is probably 5 minutes and that's if i don't wash my hair. i am so impressed! i would never last in the CIA.