A lot of people I've spoken to who have lost children have opted to bury the ashes or, in lieu of cremation, had them buried in cemeteries, or, if they chose to do neither, have had trees or plants planted, as a physical marker of their child/children, or as a place to visit, etc. I'm happy we chose cremation, and that we have chosen to keep the children with us. I cant imagine moving away from here, and not being able to visit a grave or tree, and that being the only physical remains of them.
That being said, I know it is hard for our friends and family who would prefer to have some marker or place that they could go (without coming into our bedroom to see Nicholas, Sophia, and Alexander's box) to visit, to leave toys, or to put flowers. Some "holy" place where there is something that acknowledges them.
We thought of having the township plant a tree and put a little marker in a park. We've given money to our church for a new baptismal area, where the children's names will be listed on a sign, saying that money was given in their memories. But, still, we were on the lookout for the marker that felt right, if "right" is the correct word.
We have taken to visiting the Shrine of Our Lady of Czestochowa, a national shrine dedicated to the Virgin Mary, as she is seen as the patroness of Poland. Masses are given in both English and Polish, and there is a Monastery on-site. It's a beautiful place, full of peace and hope. As I prayed and asked the late Pope John Paul II to watch over Bobby and Maya while I was pregnant, it is especially fitting that we take the children there now for prayers and worship.
As you walk towards the church, there is a candle chapel, where the monks will keep candles lit in memory of those who have died, and where little brass markers remind visitors of the names of those loved ones for whom the candles are lit.
And now, there is a special place, in candelabra 20, that will proclaim three very special names.
It is near the center altar, but is viewable from outside as you approach the chapel. Open 24 hours a day, visitors can always go in for prayer and remembrance. And, if you'd rather stand outside in a beautiful spring day or winter snow shower, you can still see their beautiful names.