Wednesday, July 7, 2010

And so it continues...

I'm not sure why there is so much nastiness in the world...  Quite a number of blogging friends have gotten some pretty horrid "anonymous" comments in recent days.  I get them from time to time, including the following from a reader in British Columbia (ah... the joys of being able to stalk them back...):

"You are in serious need of some mental help. Posting pictures of your dead fetuses, is beyond disgusting. You should be ashamed. Are you that much of an attention whore that you need to post this shit on here?. You are an embarrassment to woman kind the world over.  Absolutely disgusted by you and your blog. Oh and of course, you're a pro-lifer...fancy."  (July 2, 2010)

I'm not sure why people feel the need to comment on blogs they dont like, nor do I understand why they'd read them in the first place!  Obviously, if you think someone is a waste of space or an embarrassment to womankind, you wouldnt give them the time it takes to write the comment.  If you didn't care, you'd just move on to your next task at hand.  I mean, really... What's the point?

I didnt publish the comment; it wasnt worth it.  But, I'll thank Anonymous, because it gave me time to really think about blogging, how it started, why it continued, and where it is going.

I watched "Julie and Julia", which, if you dont know, is a dual story of Julia Child and Julie, a blogger/cook.  There's a scene in the movie where she and her husband have just fought and, as he storms away, he tells her to not blog about their fight.

I cant tell you how many times (sans the fight) that Peter has said "I dont want to see this on your blog" or "Dont blog this".  It kind of gets you thinking... If I wouldnt talk about this with anyone other than my mother or best friend, is it really blog fodder?  I dont know the answer to that.

I enjoy being real here, real with grief and joy, real with the fact that our life isnt all sunshine and roses and that Peter and I fight like the average couple.  I like reading blogs where people are honest about their lives.  It makes me feel like I live less under a rock, less in a bubble.

The invitations for Bobby and Maya's birthday party arrived.  I have to address them and send them out.  I can't believe it.  We are really here.  Really doing this.  I have magnets to remember this special day.  (I dont plan on magnets for every birthday- or favors for every birthday- but this one is special... It's a big deal, to me at least.)  We're still trying to figure out what to do... What to eat... How to prepare...

It's so different.  There wont be a Mass of remembrance... There wont be a eulogy....  There wont be pictures instead of babies.  People will be taking pictures of the babies...  Alive.  Happy.  Laughing.  They'll be cake with a candle instead of cake with a message of how we wont forget.  No one will be dressed in a suit or a dark dress...  There wont be tears...  (well, maybe there will be...)

A year.  We are 9 weeks away from their first birthday. 9 short weeks.  Insane...

My "niece" (Bobby and Maya's oldest godsister) is a budding photographer.  She emailed me some of her latest masterpieces.  What a sweet, sweet girl...


Heather said...

I'm sorry about the nasty comment you received. I don't get why people feel the need to say hurtful things. Even if you just roll it off and don't take it seriously, the intent was to inflict pain, and that's wrong.

Sometimes I'm more candid than others on my blog, but that's mostly because my real life friends and family read, and for some reason I'm more cautiuos about what I let them see than I am those in the loss community. I guess it boils down to understanding, which doesn't always exist in the real world.

Beautiful pics by your niece!

trennia said...

I would love to met these people in person,cause I'm sure they would never have big enough balls to say what they say to us online to our faces!
So sorry there are mean people tht lurk on our blogs,I get these hate comments too (((HUGS)))
All your babies are beautiful,you have every right to show their precious pictures.I wish I had pictures of my twins Hunter and Heather,but I was only alittle over three months when I miscarried.

one-hit_wonder said...

on behalf of canadians everywhere, i apologize for the jerk-off who wrote that comment to you. some people just have too much schadenfreude.

i'm already planning ninja's b-day, too. fun. :) bought her a party dress, a scooter, and more.

this kind of planning really makes everything seem real, eh? glad you're enjoying the preparations for m and b's special day.

Mother Knows Best Reviews said...

I am so sorry that this person tried to hurt you to make herself feel better. You deserve so much better than that.

Those photos are absolutely lovely!

Ms. J said...

oh sweetie I am so sorry . . . this is YOUR BLOG and your outlet. Please continue to talk about your sweet babies that are in God's arms whenever you need to.

I have had people (anonymous and not anonymous) make comments on my blog that I am whining too much, am ungrateful, even that it's my fault and therefore not entitled to complain because we got pregnant with Peanut and weren't using b/c. WHATEVER! I don't publish their comments as revenge.

Jen said...

Wow, I am disgusted by the comment that you received! Hello, anon, it's Michelle's blog! I don't think I've seen a nastier anon comment!

Coop's first bday isn't until Nov. 1st and I've already made reservations for his party! I think angel moms and preemie moms are just so excited by the gratefulness of having a LIVING child and don't take things like a party for granted!

Lisette said...

I had to block anonymous comments from my blog because of something like this. They were not to this extreme. I am really sorry they said that to you. I wish I understood people. I just know that someone who says something like has never suffered a loss and well good for them but don't come into this community and leave a comment like that. Just horrible!!

I am so happy that you are planning a birthday party too. What a true blessing. I am sure you are going to make it such a special event. Can't wait to see your pictures ((HUGS)).

Jill said...

Ugh, it makes me sick that someone would even take the time to comment on your blog like that. If someone doesn't like it, then they should just move on. I hate how so many bloggers have received awful anonymous comments.

I did see that movie and loved it. I actually watched it shortly after I started to blog. I for one am happy that you post what you do and this is your space to do what you want with it.

Sending you lots of love!! xo

Haylee said...

Hi , I haven't commented on your blog before but i've been reading it for about a year. I have not been through the things that you've been through but i feel your pain as a mother. I couldn't imagine going through what you guys have been through. It's so sad that someone would be that mean and thoughtless. I feel even worse because i'm from British Columbia. Anyways
I just wanted to let you know that there's someone out there in Canada who thinks and prayers for your family.
From one mother to another - Haylee

Rebecca Frech said...

The pictures are lovely, your children were beautiful. The commenter is obviously someone in some serious spiritual pain or she (he?) wouldn't be able to write something so awful. I will include her in my prayers tonight.

Michelle said...

Wow what an extremely nasty person. I don't know how they sleep at night being that critical at someone they've never even met. But really, anon, was it worth the whinge? What gain is there in attacking someone in the shadows?

Wow Bobby and Maya are about to turn 1, what a big milestone. I'm really happy for you :)

k@lakly said...

I don't allow anon comments. If someone wants to leave word, they need to be willing to leave their name too, otherwise I am really uninterested in what they have to say.
Still getting lots of that asian porn spammer stuff tho. Can't seem to stop that.

Also, FWIW, comments like the one you posted, generally come from teenagers with way too much time on their hands and way too little adult supervision in thier lives.
I wouldn't give it any attention at all. They aren't worth it.

A YEAR!!!! Holy COW!

Reba said...

oh michele...i'm sorry someone wrote something so cruel on your blog. i feel like if i ever get a nasty comment myself, it wouldn't bother me as much. who cares, right? but when it's YOU or some other sweet person out dare people say mean things to you!

WHOA happy almost birthday bobby and maya! yikes that year flew by.

Anonymous said...

I'm not sure why people feel the need to comment on blogs they dont like, nor do I understand why they'd read them in the first place! Obviously, if you think someone is a waste of space or an embarrassment to womankind, you wouldnt give them the time it takes to write the comment. If you didn't care, you'd just move on to your next task at hand. I mean, really... What's the point?

People feel the need to comment on blogs they dont like to express themselves, to let the poster know what the readers think. A blog is to express yourself, not just to get positive comments and ignore what everyone else is saying.

They would read them in the first place because someone posts a link or says that it is interesting, so like any human, they get curious.

If they think someone is a waste of space, you would give them the time it takes to write a comment, to let them know. This is constructive criticism, people communicate to exchange info, to give feedback, not just blabber on.

People mean good, its just that too often, they scold what they dont understand. Its all in good intentions.

MrsSpock said...

Most of us do not find the pictures of your children disgusting. No doubt there are many women world-wide who have held their children born at the same stage of gestation, and know now that they are not alone.

Anonymous said...

Love your response. You're not all worked up; you see the comment for what it is... a big yawn. Sad that people will actually take a few minutes out of their day to try and ruin someone else's... glad you didn't let it get to you.

SMK said...


First of all I cannot believe your children are that old already.. wow the time has really flown by fast! Second I am Canadian and I don't want you to think we are all ignorant like that. People are just jealous of your strength! Take care of yourself and God Bless you and your entire family! :)

Katie said...

Oh my word, that comment got my blood boiling. People are horrid.

mybumpyjourney said...

I don't understand the hate either. I dont' know how people like that think they can be so nasty to people. What goes around comes around one way or another.
I love your candidness

keoghclan said...

Hello there. I just stumbled across your blog by fluke (was doing a google search for a friends blog - called, Life and so it contiunes - i lost the favourite) and I found yours. I read your last post and just had to comment.

We are a family who have also gone through loss. Our first born is an IUI baby who is now 10 (and our joy) when she was 2 we got pregnant again but lost our son in my 5th month of pregnancy because of incompetent cervix. We got to hold and kiss and have photos of our precious little boy but like you know you have to say goodbye oh too soon :-( We never were able to get pregnant again though we tried with IF treatment so in 2006 we completed our family through international adoption - our son from Kazakhstan - an absolute joy (and character!!)

Anyway I dont want this to be all about us. I wanted to acknowledge your beautiful blog,your beautiful kids (both living here and those who are above with the angels) loosing babies is very,very, hard. We are forever changed.

Keep on blogging and getting your thoughts out there. You are doing a great job and all of your kiddies are I am sure proud of their Mommy.

The Keoghclan
Toronto, Canada

Terri Jones said...

In response to the nasty anon comment. How much of an attention whore are you that you have to leave remarks that you know will get you noticed? When you see the "fetus" looks an awful lot like a little human being one cant help but be pro-life.Fancy that and take yourself elsewhere.