We are officially 14w1d. Officially second trimester. When the risk of loss goes down "significantly"... Yet, I still have that fear... I lost Nicholas and Sophia in the second trimester due to premature labor... Nothing can tell me that won't happen. But, on the same hand, my fear is starting to get quieter... Still there, but I truly feel like we are doing so much, all that we can do. I eat well, I now do yoga for stress management, I see our doc every 2w, I'm starting the P17 shots in 2w and they have a history of helping stop preterm labor in some women, my cervix is being monitored every 2w... Medically, we are doing all that we can do. That has to mean something, right?
I still feel somewhat relaxed from yoga on Wednesday night... I am looking forward to this week... We see Dr. Bailey at on Wednesday, then I'll probably nap the afternoon away before going to class... Thursday is our Bradley class... Busy baby week, but good things. :-) Friday, we are even having some dear friends from Church for dinner, and Saturday night we are babysitting the 10yo and 5yo of great friends, so that they can go out for a date. The kids are coming Saturday afternoon and hanging out through Sunday morning... Of course, then I leave for the PaLA conference... So it will be a busy work week! :-) But that is okay... Busy weeks mean we pass another week and I feel a bit more confident...
So yesterday, some landscapers came to do some yard stuff. We were growing some trees (trees that had started growing on their own and we'd decided to keep and try to transplant for the 3 we've lost this year due to weather, maybe there were 6 or so baby trees growing). Well, we get home last night from the store, and I notice there is a large pile of leaves in the area where the trees were. So I say to Peter, you did tell them to leave our trees alone, right? He says yes, but starts to walk back there, telling me that they had piled the leaves because it was getting too moist yesterday to finish up. I'm walking with him, it's dusk and getting dark, and I see a tree, on it's side, in the leaf pile. "Is that tree cut?" I ask. He says he's not sure. Well, I get there first and the first thing I notice is that an entire section of trees were cut down, two of the growing trees, gone. He picks up some leaves, and sure enough, the stem is cut. I start bawling. Like a little kid whose puppy has died. If anyone was outside, they would have heard me wailing. So he's trying to clear off leaves and he's pulling up tree after tree, cut. Finally he finds one. Still rooted. He's trying to calm me down, but I am in hysterics by this point, on the verge of puking, and crying about how our babies have been killed. (I know, it sounds nuts). So then, I'm asking about our "twin tree" (a single tree that early had sprouted two trunks; this tree had started growing in March, after Nicholas and Sophia had died, and I thought of it as "their" tree). He starts digging and finds it, cut, dead, murdered... An entire new wave of wailing begins. He has to bring me inside, crying like a baby, before I started puking, I'm crying so hard. He goes out and starts bagging up leaves to try and find any trees underneath, but it gets so cold and dark (not to mention, he filled up our two spare trashcans and our big one is almost full and pickup isnt until Friday morning), he has to come in. I was a basketcase. Just so upset. I dont know what he'll do, I'm sure call and ask WTF they were thinking cutting our trees. He found two new sprouts, but still, sprouting in winter- their chances are poor because the weather is going to drop so soon. I think we may transplant them now, in the hopes they can root in their new home before the next freeze. Our original plan was to let the others root so that we could transplant them in spring, with a good root system. But we shall see. Oh, the tears. It was such a long night.
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