Monday, March 1, 2010

Pray and Play

I was invited to attend two mom's groups, one at our parish (SMG) and one at a neighboring parish in our cluster (CC). I went to the CC one, called The Mom's Cafe today. The group selects a book for the year (right now it is The Domestic Church), reads a chapter each month, talks about it and socializes. It's the first group I've been to. And in some ways, it was easier than I expected and, in other ways, harder.

Bobby had a freak out before we left, but a few minutes of rocking calmed him and we were on our way. I got there a little late, but they hadnt started devotions yet. It was easy to just pull up a chair and get involved. The harder part came as we were ending the gathering. One of the women at my table is recently pregnant with #5. She has a 1st grader, kindergartener, 4 year old, and 2 year old, and is due in October. It was apparent that the dont really have issues getting pregnant, but she was happy if a little surprised and was sweet. But it was a hard realization that I (most likely) will never have that spark of surprise, that "OMG, I'm pregnant!" feeling of surprise when you didnt expect a BFP in the first place. The next pang was another pregnant mother, due April 10th, talking about her baby being born in March because she has a "feeling" that the baby will be a preemie. I realize that her baby would technically be a preemie, but it was such a hard thing to handle. I wanted to say "really???" before I caught myself.

Life experiences make us who we are. I know that my feelings are results of losing children and having premature babies and our heartaches and our joys. So, I can accept that and be happy that I kept my mouth shut! It's hard, though, knowing that these are the feelings I'll be faced with when going to mom gatherings. I want to go. I want to meet these women. I want Bobby and Maya to have playmates their age. I know that I'll have to grow a thick skin, try to stop feeling like a fraud and realize that I belong there just as much as they do.

Wednesday, we're doing our first storytime at our local library (not the library I ran, but the one that we live within the service area for) and back to Wednesday Stations of the Cross, and then, Thursday, Sonja is visiting! YAY!!! I am so excited to connect and hang out!!!


Debby@Just Breathe said...

Wow, getting out and going to groups. I would think being home with them would be enough work.
Good for you, that is awesome.
It's not easy not to speak. You want them to know how different it can be, to really understand who you are and where you have been.

Devon said...

don't you love the people who talk about their "preemie" born at 36 weeks. grr!!! i would never compare my girls to my boys or any other micro-preemies....TOTALLY DIFFERENT WORLD! i know it hurts....

i'm dealing with the same thing. just learning i need to endure this world, be social again so my girls can have a life.

props to you for being brave!

Jill said...

I think that it is great you went to a group. It seems as though there will always be those unexpected moments or conversations. I too will probably never have that spark of surprise of being pregnant. Most of the time I accept it because it is what it is, but other times it just makes me sad.


Catherine W said...

Ach Michele. I do so wish we could go to the same baby group! I find my church group a bit easier as everyone there knows that J was a twin and that she was born very early. But, at some of the others, I just can't bring myself to say anything. Which means I sit there biting my tongue quite frequently! I'm also working on the thick skin and trying my best to accept that, whilst I might have had an experience of childbirth and early motherhood that is some way away from the norm, I am still entitled to be there!

Mother Knows Best Reviews said...

I'm just amazed at you, getting out with the twins when I'm sure it's hard to just make time for a shower most days!

I know what you mean about those feelings - we'll never have that, "Holy cow, is there any chance I'm pregnant??" moment. Ours come through drugs, sterile gowns, and a lot of prayer. You're so strong to keep that all inside when it has to be bubbling up!

Anonymous said...

People say the darndest things and sometimes they really have no clue who they are saying these things to or what they have been through.

It is good you are getting out to groups. :)

Mon said...

Hi Michelle, how did the storytime go? Im wonderng if you would like to share what did you do to become a librarian, Im trying to enter the library program and Im courious what it takes elsewhere
Happy Easter !