So, thank you, Mind, for making a complete liar out of me. It looks like the peace wasnt meant to last. I've been a mess all morning, probably the worse so far this pregnancy. Just a mess. Woke up at 6am, cried, freaked, you name it. Poor Peter. All he could do was hold and rock and kiss my forehead and prayer. Nothing could calm me down.
Sorry for the TMI, but I've been having diarrhea that has been knocking the life out of me. I mean, it is not cool to go to the bathroom 4 times in 20 minutes. Not cool at a ll. And I've been having clear, watery mucus. (Don't worry- doesn't smell metallic, no tinting... Had this with Nick & Sophie, dont remember it with Alex.) So, of course, I picked this morning, with this lovely combo, to freak. I havent thrown up, but food isnt my friend. Yet I'm hungry (even though I ate some cream of wheat at 8:30, I'm starving again.) And sneezing. I hate sneexing. My water broke with Alexaner during a sneeze, and I just hate them. I'm convinced I'm going to go into labor with every sneeze. And when I'm pregnant, I sneeze ALL THE TIME. In addition, because of hte bathroom issues, my lower back hurts whenever I have to "go" and I get odd pains around my midsection.
The rational part of my brain says "everything is fine... completely normal." The other part- well, I can't repeat most of what it says.
Why couldnt the peace stay? Is it because I have an ultrasound on Wednesday and the stress and worry of "something" is pushing the good, positive mojo away? Is there something really wrong and it's intuition?
I apologize for the whining. I'm just having a really bad day (which sucks because yesterday was a really good, positive day, and I've had quite a few of those peaceful days.) I'm scared. And I just want to wake up from the nightmare. I realize that every day will be fearful and that there will always be a nagging voice in my head telling me that my pregnancy is headed for disaster. Why cant I just wish it away and have a normal pregnancy? With hopes, not fears... Is that too much to ask?
Say a prayer for my babies, please... And that I'll take a chill pill and relax, and realize that everything is perfectly fine.